


Child of the Night

by mckvch (RaiseYourVoice)



Series: Night Children [2]
Category: Shadowhunters (TV), The Bane Chronicles - Sarah Rees Brennan & Cassandra Clare & Maureen Johnson, The Mortal Instruments Series - Cassandra Clare
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Alternate Universe - Different First Meeting, Angst with a Happy Ending, Asexual Raphael Santiago, Blood Drinking, Fledgeling Raphael Santiago, Hotel Dumort, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Implied/Referenced Suicide attempt, M/M, Mild Blood, Mildly Dubious Consent, Nightmares, Protective Simon Lewis, Slow Burn, Vampire Simon Lewis, Vampire Turning
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-03-29
Updated: 2018-04-08
Packaged: 2018-10-12 11:29:21
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 16
Words: 37,131
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10489920
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RaiseYourVoice/pseuds/mckvch
Summary: "I knew you'd be fun, pet," the woman drawled, stepping close enough to invade Raphael's personal space now and forcing him to take another step back. He didn't want to back down but being this close to her sent an icy shiver down his spine and Raphael's instincts were screaming at him not to let her get too close, to avoid any physical contact at all costs.She was the woman that had killed him a few days ago without batting an eye, after all. She had killed him and turned him into this thing,this monster, that he was now. A creature that lived in the darkness and fed from the blood of the living. Raphael was still waiting to wake up from this nightmare that was only halfway bearable as long as Simon was by his side to take his mind off of this disaster that was now his life. But Simon had left a few hours ago to attend to some clan business because apparently, he was Camille's right hand - "Left hand, actually, because I'm left-handed," he had joked after begrudgingly admitting to his rather high rank in the clan under their horrible leader - and he had only accepted this position because it made it easier to have an eye on her doings.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> My terrible habit of starting stories without planning them stroke again, dammit. I have no idea where this is gonna go, when it's gonna be updated, what other tags will apply or... _anything_. But I wanted to write a little more about my December story _[Under the screen of night](http://archiveofourown.org/works/8707807)_ and I guess this will be it. So, go read that thing first maybe but I don't think it will be necessary for the context.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is more of a prologue and the rest won't be written in the same way, no worries *laughs*

Raphael was barely four when he moved from México to the United States with his parents so that his father could hopefully find a better job and be able to provide for his small family properly. Of course, being a small kid, he didn't exactly understand any of the reasons and he was simply sad about leaving his home and relatives behind but being this young also meant being able to adapt more or less well in a short amount of time.

Raphael was almost five when his two younger brothers were born, twins, and he was absolutely delighted about being a big brother now. He promised his mamá to always take good care of his siblings, to love and protect them. Being a big brother was stressful because it meant helping his mamá taking care of the two babies as much as he could but it was also fun because the twins were small and adorable and Raphael understood that they needed to be taken care of.

Raphael was six and a few months when the fighting started to occur more often; when the voices of his arguing parents grew a little bit louder every time and his heart was pounding against his ribs at a frantic pace because he never knew what to do. He knew he was just a child, unable to actually help in this situation, but he still felt terrible for just lying in bed and listening to the angry exchange of words that mostly took place in Spanish with a few English curse words every now and then.

Raphael was still six and several months away from his seventh birthday when a fight escalated beyond just raised voices for the first time. It had been scary already, how his mamá had sometimes come into his room after a few of the worse fights to spend the night there, sleeping on an old mattress on the floor next to his bed, but hearing the sound of a flat hand hitting a face followed by his mamá's pained sound was even more terrifying.

Raphael was exactly seven when his father slapped him for the first time for not seeming grateful enough about his birthday presents. He hadn't cared about the presents because they didn't mean as much to him as the fact that his mamá was always sad now, sleeping in his room more often than not lately and that they were stuck with this man who didn't seem to love them anymore. Raphael couldn't be happy about the presents when all he wished for was for the people he loved to be happy.

Raphael was eight when he clung to his mamá's sleeve in the hospital because he hadn't wanted to go to one of her friend's houses like the twins had, he had wanted to stay by her side and make sure she was okay despite being told that a broken nose wasn't a very dangerous injury. Raphael still wanted to hold his mamá's hand and tell her that everything would be alright, like she always did on the nights that she had spent in his room, knowing that her boy was awake and scared of what was going on. He wanted to grow up quickly and not be a child anymore so he would be able to protect the ones he loved.

Raphael was also eight when he met Simon for the first time; when he spent an evening close to Christmas outside sledging until it was already dark and other kids his age had already gone to bed. He knew his mamá would be worried sick and that he should go home but he was too scared to go back after his father had hit him earlier, his jaw still aching from the impact, bruise hidden by an old worn scarf. Raphael didn't want his mamá to see the bruise and get even more worried than she already was. That night, he met a nice stranger who played with him and then brought him home, whom he gave his scarf as they said goodbye because the man wasn't dressed warm enough to protect him from the icy weather. He didn't know that he would carry the man's kind smile and name in his heart for the years to come.

Raphael was close to his tenth birthday when his father finally left, thrown out by his mamá after being caught hitting him, this time leaving more than just bruises. The deep gash in his left cheek needed three stitches and the scar embedded into his skin after the wound healed would always remind him of the man who was supposed to love and take care of not only him but his brothers and mamá as well. The few tears he cried when he heard about his father leaving weren't out of grief but relief because the fighting finally stopped.

Raphael was twelve when he saw _Simon_ again and he was surprised to find out that the man still remembered him as well - he actually remembered the random kid he had gone sledding with in the middle of the night, crashing them into a tree before accompanying Raphael home to make sure he was safe. Simon smile was as bright as he remembered, just a little bit tired, but it still made his brown eyes sparkle and caused Raphael to mirror the smile hopefully just as brightly. They didn't have time to talk because it was late and his mamá called for him to hurry so they could go home but he still called out a "Thank you" to Simon who looked back at him with a puzzled expression.

Raphael was fourteen when he tried beer for the first time at a birthday party and Ashley from his maths class kissed him. He decided that he didn't enjoy both very much and maybe he didn't like girls altogether but he also didn't know if he liked boys either because the thought of kissing one instead was not much more appealing. Maybe he didn't like anyone _like that_? He asked his mamá about it and she told him that surely he would find someone he liked someday, that he was too young to worry about these things and that he was perfect even if it did turn out that he didn't come to love anyone romantically.

Raphael was sixteen, not too far from his seventeenth birthday when he ended up in the wrong place at the wrong time and everything suddenly slipped out of his control. It was a cold winter night and he was on his way home from a shift at a small corner store, taking a shortcut to get home and away from the biting cold, when he encountered a woman with teeth as sharp as her elegant outfit, her mouth smeared with blood from the neck of a body pressed against the wall of a dimly lit alley. Raphael froze, unable to run or scream and it only took the woman a split second to be right in front of him before everything went dark.


	2. Chapter 2

The first thing Raphael noticed when he came to was the strong scent of earth mixed with something coppery that made his stomach twist even before he recognise why the latter was weirdly familiar. _Blood_. He had never smelled it so strongly, though, and his chest constricted at the terrible possibilities of why there was so much blood that the scent had gotten this strong.

His eyelids felt too heavy to get them to open and his thoughts were a muddled mess but he slowly started to remember walking into that small alley to take the shortcut home. He remembered a woman dressed in red with cold eyes and sharp incisors - too sharp to be human or anything but a fragment of his imagination. There had been blood on her lips, dropping down her chin and trickling down the neck of the body she had pressed against the brick wall of the alleyway.

Raphael groaned and tried to force his eyelids to open but they didn't listen and stayed firmly shut while his mind started spinning some more. He barely remembered what happened after that. There had been a dull, far away pain in his neck and spreading through his body before he had blacked out completely and then...nothing.

He tried to get a sense of his surroundings and, more importantly, of his body but he didn't even feel a lot of pain, his limbs felt mostly stiff and sore but there was also a distant feeling of hunger rumbling in his stomach as if he hadn't eaten in hours. Maybe it had been hours, Raphael had no idea for how long he had been knocked out and he realised with confusion that he wasn't lying on a hard surface. He should be lying on the asphalt in that alley but the ground underneath him felt soft, fingertips pressed into what felt like slightly wet earth.

"Get up, my pet. You're taking awfully long and we don't have all night," a voice suddenly sliced through the eery quiet surrounding Raphael and his eyes finally snapped open while he sat up with a jolt, groaning when his stomach contracted in pain and sent a wave of nausea through his whole body. The first thing he noticed was the fact that he was lying on a patch of dirt surrounded by grass; there were trees around and a few shapes sticking out of the ground. Raphael recognised, with a gasp, that said shapes were stones. Headstones, to be precise.

"Why am I in a graveyard?" Raphael's voice sounded weak and rough, not like his own voice at all, and he felt more panic seeping into his whole being when he spotted the woman who had spoken just a minute ago. He was pretty sure that it was the woman from the alley, her body clad in a skin-tight red dress that pooled around her ankles and was cut in at the sides up to the middle of her thighs, revealing pale skin that seemed almost ashen in the moonlight.

"Oh, honey, that is the least of your worries, believe me. Come on now, get up, we should get home before dawn," the woman shushed him with a sweet voice that made Raphael's skin crawl.

"Home? What are you talking about?" He licked his dry lips and grimaces at the coppery taste on his tongue, realised that his mouth was crusted with drying blood and he was wondering if he had a gas in his face or a split lip. Raising his hands, wanting to touch his face and look for said injuries, he noticed the dirt clinging to his fingers and underneath his nails. On closer inspection, the brownish colour wasn't just dirt, though, but it was mixed with the red tinge of blood as well. Raphael immediately felt sick and his stomach churned again but he tried to focus on figuring out how badly he was hurt and where the injuries were located but there was no clear source of pain anywhere in his body. Maybe it was due to the shock he undoubtedly had...

"Your new home, the Hotel Dumort. You're one of us now, sweet boy," the woman replied with a mischievous grin that revealed her weirdly elongated incisors, gleaming in the pale moonlight and sending a shiver down Raphael's spine.

" _One of you_? I have no idea what you're talking about. What did you do to me? Why is there blood everywhere??" His voice cracked a little, panic seeping into it but he really didn't care too much. This woman was clearly crazy and he doubted that being calm and collected would make any difference to her.

She laughed, cold and without real humour.

"Yes, you're one of us. A Child of the Night. Undead. Forever meant to live in the dark. And the blood is from your first feeding, young one," she explained and Raphael's eyes widened at this nonsensical little horror story. He would have laughed if he wasn't so utterly confused and terrified of the whole situation. He was on a damn graveyard, covered in blood and dirt, with some crazy woman in a cocktail dress - Raphael was scared out of his mind and hoping all of this was just a nightmare. Maybe he was lying in that alley because he had fallen and hit his head? That had to be it, right?

"Now, get up, the sun will be up in an hour and we need to get back," the woman ordered, the fake sweetness disappearing for a much sharper, more impatient tone.

"This is nonsense. I'm not _undead_." Raphael pushed himself into a straighter sitting position before getting up on his feet, swaying a little because his legs still felt stiff and lacking strength but there was still some weird kind of energy thrumming through his veins.

The woman narrowed her eyes and stepped closer, her teeth showing again in a dangerous smirk, sharp teeth glinting again. She as just about to speak again while reaching out for Raphael who stumbled backwards, when another voice broke the tense atmosphere.

"Camille, there you are. Seriously, you can't just not show up to a clan meeting that _you_ ordered in the first place. This is a terrible habit," the male voice said with a sigh and Raphael barely paid attention to the person stepping out of the shadows because his eyes were still glued to the crazy lady, _Camille_.

"Ah, my little caramel," Caramel drawled and the other person sighed in annoyance at the nickname, "I found us a new fledgeling."

"You...what? Please don't tell me you turned some random stranger! You know that's against the Accords and that you're endangering all of us with your actions," the guy replied, now sounding angry but he was clearly trying to hold himself back.

"It's just some boy who was wandering the street. He saw me feed so I had to take actions." Camille shrugged, clearly unbothered, and Raphael was starting to wonder if he came across some weird cult because these people were clearly out of their minds.

" _Some boy_? And you could have just used encanto and make him forget what he saw. There was no need to _kill_ and _turn_ him, for God's sake!"

Raphael wanted to use their distraction to steal himself away from the scene, just get away from here and head to the safety of his home, but Camille's hand grabbed his upper arm and her sharp nails dug into his skin, making him hiss in pain.

"Where do you think you're going, my pet?" The sickening, artificial sweetness was back in her voice and Raphael shuddered at the nickname. He tried to free himself from her grip but despite looking quite fragile, Camille had a surprising amount of strength.

"Camille, head back and let me take care of this. The sun will be up soon," the other guy sighed and Camille glared at him but she actually let go, straightening her red cocktail dress with a huff.

"I want him back in the Hotel. He's actually a rather pretty one and I surely fun to play with," she commented, her gaze sweeping over Raphael who suddenly felt sick again at the mere implication of her words before she threw her hair over her shoulder and finally left.

"Fuck. I know it's no good but I'm honestly sorry for what she did to you. She's," the man paused and seemed to listen into the silence around them before he added a softer "out of control" as if he was scared that Camille might still hear him despite having wandered off already.

"I have no idea what kind of cult you are, but I want nothing to do with any of this. I'm going home to my family," Raphael said and cursed his still shaky voice, curling his just as shaky hands into fists by his sides. The other person stepped closer and into the pale moonlight and now that Raphael was actually focusing on them, his eyes widened in disbelieve. "Simon??"

The man looked taken aback before he frowned and stared intently at him. A few seconds later, his eyes widened as well and a soft gasp left his lips.

"Oh my God, it's you! The boy I met years ago. It was...Raphael, right?"

He nodded numbly and the confusion only seemed to grow because what was Simon doing with this crazy person, why was he talking about nonsense like _turning people_? Simon hadn't seemed like a nutcase back when they met but either that had changed or Raphael hadn't picked up on it when he was still a kid.

"This is actually making this whole situation even worse. I didn't think this could get any worse. Damn Camille and her lack of impulse control. She's always breaking the Accords without a care in the world," Simon muttered and Raphael didn't understand half of what the other was talking about. Accords? Simon had seemed so normal back when they met but now he was talking the same nonsense this crazy woman had spouted before. And, confusingly enough, Simon seemed to look exactly the same as back then, as if he hadn't aged a bit in the almost 10 years since then.

"I have no idea what you're talking about and I don't have time for this. I need to get home, mamá is probably worried sick already," Raphael chose to reply and shook his head, not paying attention to the pained expression on the other's face at his words. He turned around but was once again stopped by a hand curling around his lower arm, much gentler this time.

"Raphael, please...You can't go home. I know all of this seems crazy and scary but you're...you're not human anymore. Not completely, at least."

"Yeah, right, I'm an _undead child of the night_ or whatever, right?" Raphael scoffed and rolled his eyes. He was almost seventeen, not seven. He didn't believe this kind of bullshit.

Raphael frowned when Simon's hand slid from his lower arm to his wrist, lifting his hand to rest against his chest. "You feel that? You don't have a heartbeat," Simon said softly, almost in a whisper, and his eyes were a little wider now, almost scared.

"Nonsense, of course I have a--" Raphael paused, the words getting stuck in his throat when he realised that _Simon was right_. He pressed his palm against his chest, waiting for the familiar thumping against his ribs, but there was none. The earlier feeling of panic returned but his heart stayed still regardless, not frantically beating in his chest like it was supposed to. His chest only rose and fell with the panicked little breaths and Raphael pushed the other's hand away, stepping back from Simon with wide eyes and dread pooling in his stomach.

"I know. Believe me, I know what this feels like. Please, let me help you, Raphael. I can help you," Simon offered, his voice soft and pleading, finger twitching with the urge to reach out and soothe but he clearly held himself back as if Raphael was a scared animal he would scare off if he moved too much. Raphael actually felt like a scared animal and like running off, ironically enough. His mind felt a little fuzzy, dizzy with the illogical turn of the evening.

"No, this isn't real. This crazy woman must have given me some kind of drug!"

Simon's brown eyes dropped to the ground for a brief second before he looked at Raphael again, silently shaking his head. Deep down, Raphael knew that there was no drug involved - a drug that stopped the heartbeat or at least slowed it down enough for the heartbeat not to be felt sounded like nonsense, especially because he was walking and talking which shouldn't be possible. But he couldn't accept the implication of this, that it meant this woman and Simon were right. _They couldn't be right!_

"Please come with me to the hotel. The sun will be up soon and we can't stay out here. I swear I will help you through this. I know it's frightening and terrible, believe me, I was there," Simon tried again, his voice still soft in an attempt to calm Raphael down somehow. "I can teach you how to control this, so you can visit your family without risk."

"Shut up! This is nonsense. I'm not--This can't be--This isn't real." Raphael's mind became even fuzzier and he hissed softly when it suddenly felt like something cut his tongue, the metallic taste of blood spreading in his mouth and almost making him gag. He reached up and his eyes widened when his fingertips brushed his clearly elongated incisors. Fangs. He had actual _fangs_.

Raphael barely heard the muffled sound of Simon calling his name when he stumbled a few steps backwards, the world around him seeming to tilt on its axis and black dots starting to dance in his vision. This couldn't be. This wasn't real. This was just a nightmare. It had to be a nightmare!


	3. Chapter 3

Raphael groaned when he woke up again, once more feeling disoriented and with a fuzzy brain. His stomach hurt, a weirdly intense hunger causing it to churn, and he felt like curling up to just try to sleep this uncomfortable sensation away.

"You're finally awake again. You should rest some more, get some proper sleep, but first you should feed," a male voice prevented him from going back to sleep right away. Raphael blinked his eyes open and realised that the bed he was lying on sure as hell wasn't his own at home. It was a quite huge four poster that looked like it came from a time decades ago. It was spacious and made him feel unsettlingly vulnerable all of a sudden.

Raphael sat up and pressed a palm against his temple when everything started to shift in front of his eyes, vision spinning, from the too quick movement. The rustling of clothes drew his attention to the side of the bed and he instinctively scooted back a little when the mattress dipped under the weight of another body. He recognised Simon after a brief second but seeing the other also brought back terrible memories.

"I know this whole situation is terrifying but please try to trust me," Simon said softly, offering a glass with a thick red substance to him in a silent prompt to take it, "drink this, it will help you feel a little better."

Raphael muttered an "I'm fine" and drew his eyebrows together in an attempt to hide the fact that he was indeed terrified of this whole situation. "What happened?"

"You blacked out from the trauma, emotional distress and lack of enough...food in your system. It was understandably too much of a shock and your body just shut down. I brought you to the Hotel Dumort - this is my room," Simon explained calmly, still holding the glass with the uninviting looking liquid.

"I cleaned you up a little; changed your shirt, took your jeans off and wiped the dirt off your skin with a moist towel. I thought it would be a tiny bit more comfortable when you wake up and don't feel all dirty and sticky with--" Simon paused and decided not to finish the sentence, shrugging instead and offering the glass again.

"What is that?" Raphael didn't know why he asked about the content of said glass because he was fairly sure he knew the answer and didn't want to hear it.

"You know what this is and I wish I could offer you something else but this is all you can digest for the time being. And you need it to still the thirst and give you back strength." Simon looked sincerely sorry but Raphael only glared at him and didn't move a finger to reach for the glass. He would certainly not drink a glass of _blood_! He still didn't even believe any of this was supposed to be real and that it wasn't just one terrible hallucination or nightmare.

"I'm not going to touch this," Raphael said, even if his reactions made this clear already. Simon's shoulders slumped a little and he seemed torn between letting it go and trying to convince him.

"You should drink now before the thirst takes over and makes the decision for you," Simon muttered but he still placed the glass on the nightstand. His eyes snapped back to Raphael when the teenager threw the blanket back and got up from the bed, swaying a little because he felt weirdly sluggish and stiff.

"What are you doing? Lay back down and sleep!"

"I need to go _home_. You basically kidnapped me and gave me some kind of drugs - I'm _not_ staying here another minute!" Raphael glared at Simon and scanned the room for his clothes because he was only in a shirt that wasn't his and boxers. Before he could spot anything to wear and his eyes found the rather large oak dresser at the side of the room, Simon stepped into his field of vision with a determined frown.

"You can't leave," he said with a tone that was probably supposed to leave no room for discussion, "the sun is already up and it would be way too dangerous anyway. You didn't drink, you couldn't harm someone and I'm sure you don't want to harm your family!"

Raphael's eyes widened and he took a small step back, shaking his head. "I would never hurt my family!"

"I know but when the thirst takes over there's nothing you could do about it. The instinct would overrule anything else. That's why you need to stay here and learn control first, otherwise, it would be too dangerous for your family and you as well," Simon explained calmly and took a cautious step closer but Raphael made another one back, bumping into the wall now.

"This is nonsense. What kind of drugs did this woman give me? What did she do to me??"

Simon's eyes closed for a second and he took a deep breath, his eyebrows drawing together and eyes darkening with a sad, painful expression. He pressed his lips together and visibly curled his fingers into fists before speaking up again.

"She killed you, Raphael. She turned you into a vampire and from now on you will have to drink blood and sleep during the day because the sun would kill you. You won't age so you can't permanently go back to your family, even if you learn control over your thirst - the thirst that would make you loose control and bite someone you love if you were to return anytime soon."

Raphael felt like he would be sick again, his stomach twisting more and more with every sentence. His eyes started to burn and his best attempts at holding back the tears were unsuccessful, he could already feel wet droplets roll down his cheeks even if he didn't want to cry in front of Simon but everything was just too much. None of this made any sense. Vampires didn't exist! Whatever this was, there had to be a logical explanation for it!

"No," he croaked and pressed his back further against the wall when Simon carefully took another step closer. When he reached out, Raphael shook his head and hissed a " _Don't touch me!_ " that was enough for Simon to draw back the hand he had been reaching out with.

Raphael rubbed a hand over his face to get rid of the tears but his eyes widened and chest tightened when he noticed that his skin was once again tinged with red, blood clinging to his shaking fingers.

"Our tears are blood," Simon muttered as an explanation but his voice sounded dull and far away. Raphael felt like all the air was sucked out of his lungs and his gaze blurred once again, his whole body starting to shake. He barely noticed the string of _No_ s that poured from his lips, voice breaking and more tears starting to stream down his face before he slid down to the floor with his back pressed against the wall.

This couldn't be happening! Raphael had never in his life felt this terrified, not even faced with his abused father when he was still a little child and he had been convinced that there would never be anything as scary as a raging adult. But this? This was by far more terrifying because he couldn't understand what was happening to him. Simon's explanation just couldn't be true! Such creatures like vampires didn't exist, they were a stupid figment of imagination and elements of stupid horror stories, nothing that was part of the real world!

He noticed Simon crouching down in front of him but he told the other once again to not touch him, to go away and leave him alone. He was barely able to see Simon's stricken expression trough his tears but the other still nodded and actually left the room with a muttered "Call if you need me".

Raphael stayed on the floor, legs drawn against his chest and arms curled around them, crying his eyes out and full on sobbing now until there were no tears left to cry and until his body finally pulled him into unconsciousness once again.

* * *

Raphael came back to his senses because of a voice calling his name. His mind felt foggy, sight blurred so that he could only see rough, blotchy shapes. It took him a moment to realise that he wasn't lying on the floor anymore - he was actually hovering above someone else, pinning them to the floor with one hand and his other curled around the person's arm, mouth pressed against their wrist. He barely managed to get his body to move and felt with rising horror how his teeth slid out of the other's flesh when he pulled back.

He saw the red blood on the person's wrist, felt the wetness trickle down his own chin and drop from his bottom lip. Raphael was up on his feet and at the other end of the room within a fraction of a second, eyes wide and body shaking with rising panic once again.

"Raphael, are you okay?"

He recognised Simon's voice now, watched the other get up and wipe the blood from his wrist absently while his eyes were fixed on Raphael, taking a few careful steps closer but pausing a good distance away.

"If _I'm_ okay?! I--I--bit you," Raphael choked out, his stomach constricting at the mere thought of having fed on someone's blood and the lingering coppery taste on his tongue.

"It's okay. I'm going to be okay. You lost control and needed to drink, I offered my arm," Simon replied and clearly tried to be calm but he was paler than before and seemed a little shaken himself. It didn't seem like this had been voluntary, more like Raphael had somehow surprised him and had managed to gain the upper hand.

"I didn't mean to hurt you," Raphael breathed and he felt like his knees would buckle any second now, with the emotions swirling through his body. The thought that he had basically attacked Simon, bitten him and drank his blood, was absolutely scary and Raphael couldn't help but be disgusted with himself. Even if it hadn't been a conscious action but it was still him who did this.

"I know. It's okay, don't worry about it," Simon replied softly but Raphael shook his head, tears welling up in his eyes once again.

"None of this is okay and how do you expect me not to worry about this?!" His voice sounded a little choked and Raphael couldn't even feel embarrassed about the tears that soon started streaming down his face. All of this was just a terrible nightmare that he apparently wouldn't wake up from again. He was incredibly scared of this situation, _of_ _himself_ , and he was terrified that he might never see his mother and brothers ever again.

"Believe me, I know what this feels like but none of this is your fault," the other replied and Simon was still pale but he mostly just looked sad, standing in the middle of the room and clearly struggling with himself to keep the distance and not walk up to Raphael to comfort him somehow.

"Raphael, would you please sit down on the bed for me? I will get something to clean you off," Simon prompted gently after a moment of silence and the softness in his voice somehow made Raphael agree. He nodded jerkily but still waited for Simon to leave the room before he took a few shaky steps towards the bed and sat down on the soft mattress, brushing a few tears off his face and staring at the blood it left on his fingers.

"Close your eyes, don't look at it," Simon's voice snapped him out of his thoughts and he felt the mattress dip next to him. Raphael glanced at the other who had a faint, sad smile on his lips and a moist towel in his hand. Simon offered his other hand to Raphael, palm up, and it took him a moment to understand the silent prompt. Raphael's shoulders slumped a little and he found himself giving in once again, tentatively placing his hand in Simon's.

"Close your eyes."

Raphael was too exhausted - mentally and physically - to do anything but comply, so he closed his eyes softly and took a few small breaths while Simon started swiping the moist towel over his hand, cleaning it from the blood. He did the same with Raphael's other hand and warned him gently before pressing the cloth to Raphael's chin.

It was weirdly soothing to feel the careful touch and being taken care of by Simon, even if Raphael still couldn't find it in himself to trust the other but by now Simon had shown him nothing but kindness and Raphael certainly didn't blame him for any of this. The thought that Simon was such a creature, a vampire, as well was absolutely weird and Raphael couldn't quite believe it. Simon seemed so normal and...human.

"I will go get you another glass, you still need to drink some more, okay?" Simon asked softly after he finished cleaning the blood off and Raphael's eyelids fluttered open again. He really didn't want to drink blood but he definitely didn't want anything like this to happen again either.

"I can mix it with some juice to make it taste a little better? But you will probably throw some of it back up because your body has to relearn handling normal food again," the other offered with a faint smile and it was obvious that he just wanted to help Raphael and make this a tiny bit easier for him. Raphael croaked a small sounding "Thank you" and the other nodded before getting up to get the blood.

Raphael slumped down onto the bed, lying down on his side and curling up, his fingers digging into the soft material of the blanket. He felt absolutely exhausted and his mind was blissfully numb after all the emotional roller coasters of the past hours. Raphael had no idea what time it was and for how long this had been going on now but he also couldn't find it in himself to care. Time certainly seemed to be the least of his problems at the moment.


	4. Chapter 4

The weird mix of blood with some juice didn't exactly taste very good but the underlying sweetness helped a little with the coppery taste and to try and imagine that it wasn't actually blood he was drinking. Raphael felt absolutely disgusted with himself for drinking a whole glass of this stuff but he honestly preferred that over waking up to attacking and biting someone again. Simon had been right about the throwing up part, though, and it took only a little over an hour for Raphael's body to reject a fortunately small part of his 'meal' again. It obviously didn't exactly help feeling any better about himself or the whole situation.

After his stomach had calmed down again he could finally curl up on the bed and get more rest because all Raphael really wanted right now was sleep - preferably for the rest of the week or longer. Raphael allowed Simon to stay when the other asked, not caring too much about Simon's presence and part of him actually felt a tiny bit safer with the other's presence in the room.

When Raphael woke up again he was still lying in bed, curled up underneath a blanket that didn't seem to provide any warmth. His body felt a little stiff, hurting in a few places as if he had done too much workout the day before and his throat felt dry, the weird feeling of thirst welling up again. He wondered if it would be like this forever now - waking up to this nasty, gut-wrenching thirst for something as disgusting as _blood_ and feeling like he had been run over by a truck.

Raphael's thoughts quickly wandered off to his family and his chest felt tighter when he imagined how horribly worried his mamá must be at the moment. Her eldest son had just disappeared and was gone for hours by now, maybe even a whole day, without a trace. He felt terrible for just lying here unmoving while his family must be worried sick. Simon had told him he couldn't go back like this, that it was too dangerous and the memory of his fangs digging into the soft flesh of Simon's arm was prove enough of that. It was too dangerous going back. _He_ was too dangerous to be around his own family.

Raphael didn't hear the sob escaping his own lips but he felt it, the sound forcing itself from his throat, and he squeezed his eyes shut in a vain attempt to keep the tears from spilling. Another sob later he could hear movement in the room and absently remembered that Simon had stayed but he couldn't even care about crying in front of the other once again because all of this was just too much to take and Raphael couldn't help it.

"Hey, is it okay if I touch you?" Simon's voice was low and his words careful, almost insecure and Raphael's first instinct was to shake his head because part of him was scared of closeness after what had happened earlier but he still ended up nodding the tiniest bit. Everything just seemed incredibly hopeless and lonely right now but maybe Simon's presence could help at least a tiny bit against this feeling.

Raphael felt the mattress dip next to him where Simon sat down and he tensed up when a hand came to rest on top of the blanket on his shoulder. Simon paused for a moment before he slowly started moving his hand a little, rubbing soothing circles into Raphael's shoulder and upper back. The other was still a stranger and it felt weird being touched like this by an almost stranger but Raphael felt himself relax slowly anyway while the tears kept on spilling down his cheeks freely.

"I won't ever be able to see my family again, won't I?" Raphael was beyond the point of caring that he mostly hiccuped the words - he was dead and a damn vampire, he was pretty sure that was a free pass for having a breakdown. He couldn't even remember the last time he had cried like this and he was pretty it hadn't even been half as bad as right now.

"It's not impossible. You have a lot to learn until you can see them again and you won't be able to stay with them because you're not aging anymore from now on but I will help as best as I can so you will be able to see them again," Simon promised with a soft voice, his hand still moving across Raphael's shoulder and upper back, trying to sooth the sobs wracking his body.

* * *

"How old were you, when you were... _turned_?" Raphael asked hesitantly, his fingers curled around a cup of warm blood mixed with something sweet and actually delicious smelling to make it easier for him to drink it. He was curled up with his back against the head of the bed, the blanket firmly wrapped around him. It had taken Raphael a long time to calm down but Simon had stayed with him and kept him company through it all. The other vampire was sitting at the other end of the bed, cross-legged with his own cup of blood in his hand, licking his lips after a few sips.

"I was 19," Simon answered without hesitation and Raphael was glad the question didn't seem like overstepping a boundary. The other apparently didn't mind talking about it or at least he didn't show if he did mind.

"It was back in the 50s, though, so I'm basically 80 by now," he added, probably knowing that this would be one of the upcoming questions, and a small humourless grin tugged at the corners of Simon's mouth at his words. Living forever was one thing, Raphael supposed, but having to live forever while looking like a teenager was probably not the most fun. It would be even less fun for him because he hadn't even reached his 17th birthday and would never grow a day older from now on - at least not from the way he looked.

"I can't believe all of this is supposed to be real," Raphael muttered with a sigh and stared into the red substance in his cup, scrunching up his nose before closing his eyes and holding his breath to dare a sip of the thick liquid. The coppery taste lingered on his tongue despite the other things mixed into the blood to mask what it really was and it was absolutely disgusting, especially because part of him liked the taste. Probably because he was a vampire and needed blood but his human side was appalled by the mere thought of drinking this.

Raphael balanced the mug on his knee when he sat it down, his free hand absently reaching for his clavicle just to realise that his fingertips couldn't find the familiar shape of his small golden cross. The necklace his mamá had given him a few years back was gone and he felt panic crawl up in his throat.

"I found your necklace, don't worry," Simon mentioned, obviously noticing what was going on and he got up to open the drawer of the nightstand next to the bed. He sat back down with the thin necklace dangling from his finger, the small cross reflecting the dim light in the room. The sight of his most precious possession took a little pressure off Raphael's chest but when he reached out for it, Simon drew his hand back and the necklace out of reach.

"I found it in the dirt next to where Camille had buried you. You can't touch or wear it, though, not yet. It will burn your skin because it's a holy symbol," Simon explained softly and the expression in his round eyes was pained as if it hurt him as well to deliver these news.

"But you can touch it just fine?" Raphael made to reach for it again but Simon shook his head and he dropped his hand into his lap, curling his fingers into a loose fist while gritting his teeth.

"I can but I'm Jewish so this could never harm me. Which symbol is sacred depends on what's sacred to _you_. I couldn't touch the Star of David my father had left me after his death for the longest time. It took me forever to accept being a vampire and to not feel like I was unworthy of my religion. It's possible to be what we are and still keep our faith and tend to it but it takes a lot of time and patience. You won't be able to say _His_ name either, it will burn your throat, but you can relearn saying it again."

Raphael stared at the other vampire with wide eyes and he couldn't help but actually try saying _God_ which resulted in a sharp pain in his throat and the disgusting taste of blood and what he assumed was burnt flesh on his tongue. He barely fought the urge to gag and pressed a hand against his mouth, eyes watering with the intensity of the sharp pain even if it only lasted a few seconds.

Simon smiled sadly at him and curled the necklace around his finger so the small cross was resting in his palm, the golden symbol gleaming innocently in his hand, it's colour a stark contrast to the ashen paleness of the vampire's skin.

"Can you...can you help me relearn it?" Raphael's voice sounded a little scratchy and still sore from trying to say _His_ name but it still didn't keep him from wanting to regain the ability to say it and to wear his dear mamá's necklace. He didn't care how long it took or how much it would hurt, he was determined to make it work but Raphael was aware of the fact that he needed help to achieve this.

"If you want me to, sure, but it's not going to be easy."

"I don't care."

Simon actually smiled at that and for the first time, the pained sadness in his eyes that he had regarded Raphael with ever since he had been turned seemed to dim and make room for something softer, warmer. "I'm sure you will make it."

Raphael frowned a little but didn't reply, instead, he turned his attention back to the neglected mug in his hand before sighing and forcing himself to take another sip of the weird liquid. He couldn't imagine ever getting used to drinking this stuff and it was terrible that he had to, otherwise, he would only be a danger to others. Raphael was sure he would never be able to adjust to this new life if it could be called a life, but he would certainly try his best because he had to see his family again and had to make sure they knew he was okay. Even if he felt like the farthest from okay he had ever been but that was irrelevant.

He nodded softly to himself and drank the rest of the blood mixture with one big gulp, fighting against the gag reflex and forcing everything down. Raphael knew he would throw part of it back up but that was still a better option than drinking pure blood. He placed the cup on the nightstand and yawned softly. It was the middle of the night and he knew he was probably supposed to be wide awake but his biorhythm was all over the place and he felt completely exhausted.

"You can sleep some more if you want. It always takes a while for the body to adjust and the emotional stress is exhausting anyway. I will have to leave for a bit and tend to some business for the clan but I will be back soon. If you need anything, I put a phone on the nightstand with my number saved - I wouldn't recommend leaving the room just yet, the others can be quite the assholes when it comes to new fledgelings but I will introduce you to some of the other members of the clan when you feel up to it, promise."

Simon smiled at him and Raphael simply nodded because he definitely didn't feel like leaving the room and meeting other vampires anyway. He wouldn't mind just staying in this room forever, hiding away from the world and the thing that he had become but he was aware of the fact that he couldn't do that for too long. Right now, though, he curled up on the bed and closed his eyes, lids fluttering at the unexpected feeling of gentle fingers brushing through his hair.

"I'll be back soon. Get some rest and take a shower if you feel like it - feel free to borrow clothes from my wardrobe," the other vampire offered with an audible smile and Raphael couldn't even open his mouth for a reply before he heard the door click shut behind Simon.

He hadn't even thought about which room he was in and if he remembered correctly this was a hotel? Raphael had assumed this was just one of the empty rooms but by the sound of if he was in Simon's own room and if he wasn't so damn tired he might actually feel bad for occupying the other's bed the whole time. He definitely would have to thank Simon properly for everything he had done so far.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know, there's not too much happening at the moment - just a lot of drama - but that will change soon! :)


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here we finally are with the next chapter and some more suffering. I swear this will get happier at some point but I guess it will take a little more time until that point is reached.

Raphael was distantly aware of the fact that snarling at other people was not exactly human behaviour but he couldn't find it in himself to care right now. Unfortunately, Camille didn't seem to care about it either because her emotionless, cold laughter danced through the still mostly empty room he had just been offered to call his own a few hours ago, a slight echo of the unsettling sound bouncing off the walls.

"I knew you'd be fun, pet," the woman drawled, stepping close enough to invade Raphael's personal space now and forcing him to take another step back. He didn't want to back down but being this close to her sent an icy shiver down his spine and Raphael's instincts were screaming at him not to let her get too close, to avoid any physical contact at all costs.

She was the woman that had killed him a few days ago without batting an eye, after all. She had killed him and turned him into this thing, _this monster_ , that he was now. A creature that lived in the darkness and fed from the blood of the living. Raphael was still waiting to wake up from this nightmare that was only halfway bearable as long as Simon was by his side to take his mind off of this disaster that was now his life. But Simon had left a few hours ago to attend to some clan business because apparently, he was Camille's right hand - "Left hand, actually, because I'm left-handed," he had joked after begrudgingly admitting to his rather high rank in the clan under their horrible leader - and he had only accepted this position because it made it easier to have an eye on her doings.

To say that Simon disliked Camille was putting it nicely, even if he was too polite to actually admit it in front of Raphael but the newly turned vampire wasn't an idiot. He saw the way Simon's eyes narrowed and darkened at the faintest mention of the clan leader and this reaction was part of the Reason why Raphael felt comfortable around the older vampire. Simon didn't agree with the way Camille handled things - if she handled anything at all, that was - and he very clearly wanted to help Raphael.

"Stop calling me _pet_ and leave me alone! I don't want you anywhere near me," Raphael almost hissed and he could sense the coppery taste of blood on his bottom lip where his fangs had once again accidentally cut into it. Apparently, the fangs extended not only when he was thirsty and smelled blood but also every time he was in any way very emotional - mostly when he was scared, panicked or angry. All of these emotions were basically the case right now and Raphael hated the feeling of almost losing control over himself.

He didn't know this struggle from when he had still been human because he always had his emotions in check, even if he was angry he never lost control in any way, not just because he didn't want to end up like his father who had always been led by his temper rather than his head. Now, as a vampire, Raphael suddenly felt this other part of himself that wasn't human anymore, that felt dangerous and feral, and it terrified him to no end that he felt this overwhelming urge to lunge at Camille despite being fully aware of the fact that he was absolutely no match for the woman.

"But that's what you are, _my pet_. I made you who you are so we could have some fun and I always get what I want. It's more fun when they resist a little, though, so I don't mind you acting up," Camille replied calmly and the grin on her red-painted lips was almost predatory. She stepped even close and Raphael's back finally hit the wall, robbing him of any chance to bring more distance between them.

"Don't be scared. I won't harm you if you behave. Not much, anyway." Her eyes seemed to darken a little and she reached out, slender fingers curling around Raphael's chin to lift his head and force him to look her right in the eye. To say that the situation was uncomfortable was putting it very lightly. Raphael felt disgust pooling in his stomach, his mind swimming with slowly rising panic because she was way too close, her touch causing his skin to tingle in the most uncomfortable way.

"Don't touch me! You've done enough damage already," Raphael heard himself hiss as he finally slapped her hand away, even if he knew that probably wasn't the best thing to do but he simply couldn't stand having Camille in such a close proximity.

The clan leader seemed more amused than offended by his actions but then her eyes darkened and she grabbed his chin again, this time with more force and with her long nails painfully digging into his skin, maybe even drawing blood.

"You are _mine_ and I touch you as I please - the sooner you learn this the better! Don't you dare disobey me. I am your leader, _your sire_ , and you should show me more respect because I made you what you are and I can easily snap your neck if I decide that you're not worth my time," Camille whispered, her voice low and icy, sending a shiver down Raphael's spine.

The implications of her words were enough to make him feel a sudden wave of nausea and Raphael barely managed to swallow further words of protest because he realised that would only make his situation worse. Camille seemed to notice the shift in his behaviour as well and her red-painted lips curled into an even more predatory grin, almost feral in the way it revealed her white teeth and glistening sharp fangs.

* * *

Raphael pressed his back against the edge of the building, his head dropping back against the metal seaming the elevated edge of the hotel’s roof. He felt out of breath, still far from used to the fact that he didn’t actually have to breathe anymore. His fingers were curled around the thin golden necklace, the delicate little cross resting on top of his thigh with the material of his jeans preventing the holy symbol from burning into his flesh.

He could still feel Camille’s touch on the skin of his upper body - luckily the only part of his body her hands had wandered during her unwelcome visit in his new room - and his neck seemed to itch where her fangs had scraped the surface, breaking the skin just enough for it to already be healed by now. She had barely done anything but it had been an obvious statement and almost like a promise of more. It had been painfully obvious what she meant with wanting to _play_ with him properly another time and Raphael felt like throwing up at the mere thought of it.

Camille pushing her icy fingers underneath his shirt while making it more than clear he didn’t have another choice, how she could not only snap his neck in the blink of an eye but also find his family easily if he dared to disobey, was already more than he could handle at the moment. Raphael was sure he would still feel her long nails trailing down his chest and stomach in weeks but until then there were probably even more horrifying memories of her invading his personal space on his mind.

Raphael shuddered and squeezed his eyes shut, taking a deep breath to push away any thoughts of what would await him in the upcoming days because he did not intend to find out the true extent of what Camille was capable of. He could have learned to be okay with this whole vampire business if it had been only Simon and maybe others like him but Camille...her, he couldn’t deal with. Every fibre of his being wanted to protect his family but enduring whatever she lusted for was absolutely no option so there was only one decision to make.

Said decision had led him to the rooftop of the Dumort, the sunrise mere 20 minutes away, with the necklace his mother had give to him years ago clutched in his hand like a lifeline. Raphael had no idea where he would end up if the creature he had become would even make him worthy of heaven, but he supposed he would find out soon enough.

Raphael sighed and he felt guilty for what he was about to do but that still didn’t change his decision that this would be the best choice. He was a monster now, anyway, and even if he had wanted to see his family again, it was probably better this way. Disappearing from the face of the earth seemed less damnable than stepping in front of his beloved mamá as the impure, godless creature he had been turned into.

He took another useless breath before reaching up to put the necklace on, sighing at the familiar feeling of the thin metal against his skin and glancing down at the delicate cross resting against the fabric covering his chest. He usually wore it underneath his shirt because it wasn’t meant as a sign of his faith for other people but just for himself, a reminder of the beliefs his mamá had raised him with. Raphael knew the cross would burn his skin now, that he couldn’t wear is the way he used to, but he figured it would basically not make a difference in a few more minutes anyway.

Raphael closed his eyes, steeling himself for the unknown level of pain ahead, before tugging down the hem of his shirt to let the cross slip beneath the soft cotton. He wanted to feel the familiar sensation of the cool metal against his skin even if that meant burning it. And that it did. Raphael hissed at the pain against his clavicle that was so similar to the burn when he had been a small child and had pressed his palm against the hot stove top out of the stupid curiosity kids had at that age but yet it felt a whole lot more intense.

The stinging pain caused his unnecessary breath to catch in his throat and his whole perception zeroed in on the white hot pain radiating off of the small cross resting against his skin, the nauseating smell of flesh burning, and he didn’t even hear the voice calling his name until the necklace was ripped off his neck and the pain dulled a little. Raphael’s eyes flew open, view blurry from the still lingering ache and tears alike.

“What are you doing?! Why did you--The sun will be up in a few minutes!”

Raphael recognised Simon’s upset voice but it sounded far away, muffled by the ringing in his ears and the heaviness in his chest. He couldn’t even see the other properly, flinched a little when cold fingers curled around his chin and at first it reminded him of the way Camille had touched him earlier, forced him to look at her, but Simon’s touch was completely different at the same time. His fingers were gentle, cautious even, and the way his thumb brushed away a trail of bloody tears from Raphael’s cheek made his eyelids flutter shut without hesitation.

He heard Simon mumble something under his breath but was unable to grasp the meaning of his words, his consciousness slowly slipping and dragging him into blissful nothingness for the time being.

* * *

“What the hell did you think you were doing?!” Was the first thing Raphael got to hear when he opened his eyes again. He was disoriented at first but quickly noticed the familiarity of the room he was in and the fact that he was in Simon’s room instead of his own caused relief to wash over his mind. He had spent all his time in here ever since he had been turned and it felt safe, now even more than before.

Raphael wanted to reply and ask what was even going on but he choked on the first syllable and started coughing, gladly accepting the glass that was pushed into his hand and taking a few sips of what he was sure was once again a mix of blood and other things. He barely tasted the slightly thick liquid that slipped down his throat, extinguishing the burn and helping him find his voice again.

“What happened?” Raphael finally questions, his vision still a little blurry but he could still see enough to know that Simon was sitting at the edge of the bed right next to him, staring at him with dark eyes and an unreadable expression. The other vampire seemed angry but his shoulders slumped a little when he took the glass from Raphael’s grasp, gingerly placing it on the bedside table next to the broken necklace with the innocently glinting cross.

“I brought you to my room after you passed out on the roof. Why were you up there this close to sunrise and why did you put on the necklace? I told you that you can learn to wear it again but it takes time,” Simon replied and he clearly tried to speak calmly but his voice was still faintly shaking around every other word.

Raphael pressed his lips into a thin line, not knowing what he was supposed to answer. He stared at his hands that were resting in his lap, fingers intertwined and thumb nervously rubbing his index finger. Apparently, his silence was answer enough because Simon sucked in a breath - he clearly had gotten rid of the habit to breathe already but it seemed like even he did slip up sometimes - and then his hand carefully came to rest on top of Raphael’s.

“You should have told me,” Simon muttered and his voice sounded so incredibly sad that Raphael didn’t even dare to look anywhere but at their hands, “Or maybe I should have known. After I was turned and realised what I was, my first instinct was throwing myself into the first sunbeam. For some reason--For some reason, I thought you would be okay after the first few days but I realise now how stupid that assumption was.”

Raphael felt words of protest crawl up his throat and settle on his tongue but before he could even think of opening his lips to speak, the older vampire continued.

“I know that it’s difficult and that all of this seems impossible. Especially when it intervenes with your faith. Believe me, I know this struggle all too well,” Simon sighed and his cool fingers gently squeezed Raphael’s hand, a small gesture that was immensely soothing, “But please give it some time. I know it’s hard and scary but I promise it will get better.”

“I don’t feel like I can or want to wait until then,” Raphael heard himself mutter, the words stumbling from his lips before he was aware of them sitting at the tip of his tongue. He didn’t want to worry Simon because the other clearly cared about him but he just...couldn’t do this. Not with the claim of ownership Camille had announced earlier, especially not with the threat to harm his family connected to said claim.

Simon looked at him for a moment, scanning his face as if searching for something, and he did seem to find something because his frown deepened a little more while his fingers closed a little more firmly around Raphael’s.

“Something happened while I was away.” It wasn’t a question.

Raphael softly bit his bottom lip, almost surprised to not feel the sharp edges of fangs dig into the tender skin because by now he was almost used to them popping out randomly at all times, causing him to accidentally bite himself. He didn’t necessarily want to mention what Camille did, how her hands had slipped underneath the material of his shirt as if she was allowed to invade his privacy like this - she was clearly convinced that it was her right, that much had been obvious -, but he also didn’t want to keep quiet about the threat and his fear. Maybe...maybe there was a way Simon could help?

“Camille came into my room earlier.”

It was a simple enough statement but the way Simon’s eyes widened and his whole body seemed to tense up were enough to tell Raphael that he didn’t really have to explain much more. He was glad about not having to go into detail what this visit had meant but it also made Raphael question how terrible of a person Camille actually was and if Simon had to go through this as well because his reaction was heavily hinting at uncomfortable encounters with the clan leader as well.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wasn't quite sure what tags to add because of this chapter and went with "implied/referenced suicide attempt" and "mildly dubious consent" but I don't know if that's the accurate choice? I never really had to tag those so...I don't know what's appropriate but I had to tag it somehow.


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Writing this chapter didn't go as smoothly as I wanted it to so I hope it turned out alright. Whenever writing doesn't go fluently I always feel like it will be obvious to the reader because the chapter feels awkward or whatever so...I hope that's not the case.

“Shepherd, to what do I owe the pleasure of your once again unannounced visit?”

Raphael frowned at the man who had just opened the door and he still wasn’t even sure why they had gone here or who this colourful, glittery man even was. After briefly talking to Simon about what had happened with Camille and the other vampire ranting under his breath about the clan leader, they had somehow managed to sleep for the most part of the day. Raphael still didn’t feel well-rested and the burnt skin near his clavicle hurt, despite having fed and the wound having healed already - except for the lingering white scar in form of a cross marring his skin now.

After waking up and drinking another glass of mixed blood, Simon had insisted on going wherever they were right now, without giving much of an explanation other than “I know someone who might be able to help”. Raphael wasn’t even sure what there was to help them with but he would probably find out about that any time soon. Right now he just found himself staring at this oddly dressed person that didn’t even seem to have noticed him.

“I’m still waiting for you to run out of names,” Simon sighed with a roll of his eyes before trying to simply step inside the man’s home but the guy easily stopped him with a hand pressed against the vampire’s chest, several rings on his fingers glinting in the dim light from the hallway.

“That won’t happen for another few decades at least, darling,” the man replied and his dark rimmed eyes finally flickered past Simon, meeting Raphael’s unimpressed gaze with a hint of surprised that quickly shifted into obviously amused curiosity. “And who do we have here?”

“This is--”

“Raphael Santiago,” he interrupted Simon, introducing himself while stepping forward and assessing the tall man with open scepsis.

“He’s the one I told you about,” the other vampire added as if that would explain anything but, apparently, it did because the man merely hummed and then actually stepped inside.

“I can see why Camille chose him. She always had a thing for the pretty, innocent looking ones.”

Raphael narrowed his eyes at the comment while hesitantly stepping into the hallway after Simon, not quite trusting this whole situation yet. It was the first time he had left the hotel since he was turned and even if he had fed, he still felt kind of uneasy about someone else than Simon around.

“It’s only been about a week if I remember correctly? You seem pretty put together for someone who has died a few days ago,” the man commented while looking Raphael up and down, making the teenager feel even more uneasy under the scrutiny of this stranger’s gaze.

“ _Put together_ seems to the least fitting description,” Raphael muttered and he had been on the verge of ending his (undead, he assumed) life a little over 12 hours ago so saying he looked ‘put together’ felt like an absolute joke. “Who are you, anyway?”

He was raised better, with proper manners, but Raphael couldn’t find it in himself to care much about his first impression and it wasn’t like his mamá would find out about this and scold him for being rude to this odd man. Said man seemed briefly surprised before his lips curled into the hint of a delighted grin.

“I am the one and only Magnus Bane, the High Warlock of Brooklyn,” the other introduced himself with a few ridiculous gestures that almost caused Raphael to roll his eyes. Right now Magnus seemed more like a clown to him than anything else but he bit back saying that comment out loud - the man might seem harmless and a little bit crazy but he didn’t feel like risking anything.

“Also, Shannon, I’m deeply hurt by the fact that you didn’t even tell your new friend about me. You come here, probably once again to ask for a favour, and don’t even bother telling your companion about me? I’m hurt.”

Simon huffed and rolled his eyes, causing Raphael to grin a little, and then he flopped down in between the silky looking cushions on the leather couch that was situated in the centre of the open living space of Magnus’s loft.

“Oh, I’m sorry. I didn’t think there was much to tell,” Simon replied and almost looked like he was about to start pouting while Magnus shook his head with barely contained laughter. It was more than obvious that these two knew each other for quite a while already because they were clearly comfortable around one another. The teasing dynamic these two had going on at least helped Raphael relax a tiny bit - if Simon felt comfortable in the warlock’s company, there surely was nothing to worry about.

“On a more serious note, though, the reason we’re here...I do need your help - _we_ need your help.” Simon’s mood shifted in the blink of an eye and even the mischievous spark in Magnus’s eyes dimmed immediately, making room for a more worried expression. Raphael frowned and while he could imagine what this was about, he had absolutely no idea how the warlock was supposed to do anything about it. Granted, Raphael had no clue what warlocks were capable of so he probably should just wait out this conversation before assuming things.

“You’re still on good terms with that Nephilim boy?”

Raphael slid onto the couch next to Simon, maybe a little bit closer than strictly necessary but he felt better without too much distant to the only person he actually felt comfortable and safe around these days. His gaze swept across the room, briefly taking in all the decorations and trinkets that could be seen everywhere and made the loft comfortably lived in before his eyes landed on the two other people in the room to pay more attention to the conversation about to happen.

“On good terms? Do I need to remind you that this Nephilim boy is my boyfriend?” Magnus huffed, clearly a little offended before turning his back on them to face the small bar nestled into a corner of the large room, followed by the sound of glass clinking and liquid being poured.

“I wasn’t aware that you guys actually got to this point already. Last time we talked about you guys he was about to marry some Nephilim girl,” Simon replied with a shrug, clearly unbothered by his small mishap.

“That was almost two months ago, my clueless friend,” Magnus replied before making a swift gesture with his hand as if to brush the topic aside to make room for the actual reason of this visit. “Do tell me, why this is of relevance to your matter?”

“Because of Camille.”

Raphael didn’t miss the way Magnus’s shoulders tensed up the slighted bit and his smooth movements seemed to stutter for the fraction of a second because the moment was over already. He wondered what this was about but chose not to inquire about it just yet.

“She’s getting more dangerous if that wasn’t already obvious by the fact that she turned an innocent mundane on a whim, just because she thought he’d make a nice _pet_.” Simon glanced at Raphael, not missing the barely there flinch the newly turned vampire couldn’t suppress at the used of the terrible nickname Camille seemed to love using for him.

“I was afraid this would happen one day. She always loved to go against the law but it’s certainly getting worse,” Magnus sighed and he seemed kind of conflicted but Raphael couldn’t tell for what reason. “But you’re right, this has gone on for too long. I wish it would be possible to reason with her.”

The warlock looked surprisingly miserable and Raphael was pretty sure that there was some kind of background story but he didn’t think to ask about it would get him anywhere. Maybe he could get Simon to tell him about it later.

“It’s her own fault and it’s time for the Clave to take care of this,” Simon replied while watching Magnus with a slightly worried expression but the warlock nodded in agreement and took a sip of the drink in his hand. He clearly wasn’t exactly happy about this and Raphael could sense that Magnus would rather find a different solution than the mentioned _Clave_ -thing, whatever that was, but it sounded like there was no other way.

“I will talk to Alexander, don’t worry,” Magnus promised before his attention directed towards Raphael who felt himself tense up a little for no reason, “You should probably prepare yourself for being questioned by the Clave to testify that she turned you against your will.”

“Who or what even is that _Clave_?” Raphael finally asked because it seemed like something he should definitely know about. Maybe it was some kind of court to deal with stuff that was...supernatural related?

“I leave that for Shelby to explain. I still have to run an errand for a summoning later and need to get ready now so,” Magnus ended it on a shooing motion to indicate they should get going now. Raphael frowned a little at the weird nickname but seeing as Simon didn’t even bat an eye it seemed to be a regular occurrence.

“Alright, yeah. Sorry for showing up unannounced and thank you for helping with the whole deal, I know it’s not easy.”

Raphael usually wasn’t all that curious when it came to other people’s private business but the thought that Magnus clearly had some kind of past involvement with someone like Camille was admittedly weird. Sure, he only knew the warlock for a few minutes now but Raphael absolutely couldn’t imagine someone who seemed a little eccentric but still kind of warm-hearted and playful with a cold-hearted psycho like Camille.

They said their goodbyes and Raphael briefly saw a glimpse of a small tabby sneaking through the hallway and eyeing them sceptically before they left the warlocks loft to head back to the hotel.

“So...what exactly was this about?” Raphael wondered out loud while they were walking through the mostly empty streets - it was past midnight already and a regular weekday so most people were probably at home and asleep right now, though in a city like New York was always a certain amount of traffic even at this hour.

“Well, uh, it would be pretty impossible for us to deal with Camille on our own so...this is the only way I could think of that might be safe,” Simon replied with a small shrug, burying his hands in the worn hoodie he was wearing over another one of his graphic shirts.

Raphael had seen a few of the other vampires for the first time when they had left the hotel and they seemed to be mostly wearing clothing from whatever centuries they were born in, he supposed, but Simon clearly wasn’t stuck in the fashion trends of the 50s and Raphael made a mental note to ask about why at least some other vampires looked like they were still stuck in other decades and centuries.

“I got that much but I didn’t quite get what exactly this conversation with Magnus what about. What does _Nephilim_ mean and what’s _the Clave_ \- why would I have to _testify_ like in court?” Raphael frowned and glanced at the older vampire, trying to ignore the rather loud sounds of the occasionally passing cars. Being out of the hotel had made him realise how much more sensitive his senses, especially his hearing, had become and it was almost a little painful whenever a car drove by. Hopefully it would get better over time when he got more used to his new abilities.

“Nephilim refers to the Shadowhunters, they’re…”

“Hunting shadows?” Raphael offered and felt a grin tug at his lips when Simon snorted softly in amusement.

“More like _hunting what’s in the shadows_ , you could say. They keep the world save from demons or at least it’s supposed to be that way but they’re more like the self-appointed saviours of the Downworld. Most of them think they’re better than anyone else and that Downworlders - vampires, warlocks, seelies and werewolves - are lesser than them.”

“Sounds like they’re assholes and they’re our best bet to somehow deal with Camille? _How_ would they even deal with her?” Raphael definitely didn’t feel comfortable with the clan leader around, understandably, but all of this sounded like a weird assassination plot and that would be just as wrong as whatever Camille was doing.

“I guess that depends on the verdict? Either lock her away or…” Simon shrugged and grimaced, the implication clear even without him spelling it out. “The Clave is basically the...political body of the Shadowhunters.”

Raphael hummed under his breath and he probably shouldn’t be too surprised that this supernatural part of the world had kind of their own kind of legal system. It wasn’t exactly like you could drag someone in front of a regular court for turning others into vampires or such.

“They are definitely better equipped for dealing with Camille than we are. At least I don’t want to try and deal with her on my own,” the older vampire admitted and it was pretty clear that he was scared of Camille as well. Raphael certainly couldn’t blame him. “And as far as I know Alec and his little group is at least slightly different and a little less prejudiced against us than the rest of their bunch.”

Raphael simply nodded, not exactly able to really comment on that seeing as he had never met a single one of those Shadowhunters or Nephilim, whatever he was supposed to call them. Magnus seemed like a fairly likeable person as far as he was able to tell after their short encounter so he supposed this Alec-guy was probably decent as well when he was the warlock’s boyfriend.

“What’s Magnus’s involvement with Camille? He seemed...hesitant about it?” Raphael finally gave in to the curiosity that had been nagging at him since their visit in the warlock’s loft and Simon didn’t seem too surprised about this question.

“They were in a relationship once. I think it’s been over a century since then but...she has left her marks.”

“It figures,” Raphael couldn’t help but mutter because, yes, it was very foreseeable that being close to someone like Camille, especially in a romantic relationship it seemed, would definitely leave someone scarred in one way or another. He really didn’t want to imagine what this woman was like in a relationship but _healthy_ was certainly not the first word coming to his mind.

“I never really asked much about it, it’s understandably a sensitive subject and she pulled some very shitty things, as far as I know - as expected from her, I guess. I didn’t really want to get him involved because I know that, despite everything Camille did, Magnus would never want to hurt her in any way but she’s gotten way too unpredictable and also careless,” Simon explained with a low voice as if to make sure that nobody could overhear their conversation or probably just to indicate that it was something private, not meant to share with anyone. It wasn’t like Raphael even knew anyone he could tell about this and, of course, he wouldn’t share someone’s private matters with other people anyway.

“Even if someone is a terrible person, I suppose it’s still not easy to go against someone you once cared for,” Raphael assumed with a shrug and even if Camille was absolutely terrible, making it impossible to think that anyone could seriously care for her, he could still kind of understand the predicament Magnus was in with this whole situation.

“Yeah, that’s true. Even though Camille is definitely exceptionally terrible,” Simon joked with a slightly crooked grin and for a moment he seemed like he was about to reach out for Raphael’s arm but thought better of it, slowing down a little in his steps. “Not to be patronising but I would suggest that maybe you should stay in my room for a little longer - I really don’t want to give Camille the chance to corner you like earlier again.”

Raphael had honestly thought about asking just this already but he didn’t want to act like a kid scared of sleeping alone even though he knew that was a ridiculous thing to think. You didn’t have to be a child to be scared of someone like Camille who was clearly not above invading someone’s personal space against their will and he had absolutely no interest in finding out how far the clan leader would go with that.

“I’m not going to object. I can definitely go without such experiences,” he admitted with a grimace and so far Simon’s company felt like the only thing that kept him sane with all of these things anyway. As long as the older vampire was around, Raphael felt like maybe all of this would actually turn out alright someday, that maybe he could manage to get used to this and figure out how to live as a vampire.


	7. Chapter 7

Even after over a week in his new undead life Raphael still wasn’t even nearly used to the new sleeping schedule which resulted in him waking up several times during the day. Almost every time resulted in him being disoriented at first, despite the fact that he was now at least used to Simon’s room after having spent 90% of the time since his turning but he definitely wasn’t used to the older vampire being this close by. Sure, Simon had been around the whole time but now that they had the agreement that Raphael would stay in his room until Camille was dealt with, the fledgeling vampire had told him that they could just share the pretty large bed.

Simon did have a couch in his room but the older vampire had been very adamant about said sofa being incredibly uncomfortable when Raphael had thought about making it his sleeping place because he didn’t want to occupy the other’s bed for even longer than he already had. In the end, they had agreed to simply share the bed, seeing as it was big enough for both of them and enough room to not accidentally make physical contact.

The last time Raphael had woken up to sharing the bed with someone had been quite a few years ago, when his younger brothers had been in some phase with too much imagination that kept them from falling asleep with the expectation being kidnapped by some monsters so at least one of the two had regularly ended up crawling into Raphael’s bed. The difference with Simon was definitely, that the older vampire stayed in his part of the bed while Raphael’s brothers both had the ability to wrap around every person in reach like an octopus.

* * *

This time when he woke up, Raphael found himself almost face to face with a sleeping Simon and barely resisted the initial urge to  flinch backwards. The older vampire was fast asleep, mouth slightly open with actually some drool in the corner of it, hand curled into the pillow next to his head. Simon looked surprisingly young like this - not that he looked _old_ usually but he did seem older than the age his body was actually stuck in but right now he looked closer to Raphael’s age.

He almost gave in to the weird urge to brush a curly strand of hair from Simon’s forehead but drew his hand back just in time, shaking his head about his own actions. Raphael shuffled back a little, bringing more distance between them, before turning around and curling up on his other side. It took him a while to fall back asleep again because it was just weird to know someone was sleeping right next to you but there was no sound of breathing and even with his now sensitive hearing he couldn’t make out a heartbeat. This just made everything realer.

The next time Raphael woke up felt he just emerged from a body of water, Simon’s familiar voice slowly getting louder and clearer, his mind fuzzier than it was supposed to be.

“Do not _dare_ to lay a hand on him, Camille, or I swear to God--”

“What do you swear, my little caramel? Do you honestly think you can take it up with me?” Camille’s voice was cold as ever, cutting through the tense atmosphere like a knife while Raphael was still struggling to blink his blurry view back into focus because all he could see was blotches of colour. His head hurt and he slowly started to realise that he wasn’t in bed anymore but standing in a completely different room. His heart would be pounding in rising panic about the situation now if it could but his chest only heaved from the unnecessary breaths he couldn’t imagine ever unlearning to take.

“Just because I might not have the same strength as you doesn’t mean I generally don’t stand a chance against you. You’re not invincible, Camille!”

“Are you threatening me? Do you want to overthrow me?” Camille laughed coldly and Raphael felt a shiver run down his back. He could see better by now but he still felt woozy and disoriented. The fact that Simon was here and standing in between them was the only reason he managed to be even remotely calm about this situation, even if he had no idea what was going on.

“No, I was merely giving you the advice that you shouldn’t be so full of yourself!” Simon almost growled and the clan leader seemed more amused than actually worried about his behaviour. “Keep your hands off him and stop abusing the bond for your sick little games.”

“My, my, one could almost think that you have a thing for my new pet, caramel,” Camille basically purred and there was a dangerous glint in her heavily painted eyes. There was always something incredibly unsettling about this woman, now more than ever, and Raphael felt the urge to just turn around and leave but his body didn’t quite seem to listen to him.

“Someone has to take care of him and you’re clearly not up to the task,” Simon spat back  before he turned around and looked at Raphael, the angry expression in his eyes softening just a little bit, before curling his cool fingers around the fledgelings wrist and tugging him out of the room.

“What happened?” Raphael croaked, his tongue feeling weirdly heavy while his throat was dry, making it difficult to properly form words. He stumbled after Simon through the corridors of the hotel, downstairs to the next floor where their rooms were. He realised only now that they had been on the floor that only Camille lived on and Raphael didn’t even want to think about the implications of this fact.

“Let’s get back to my room first, okay? You need to feed,” Simon replied, still holding on to Raphael’s wrist and gently leading him towards the room they had both been sharing ever since Raphael’s turning. He only hummed in agreement and even if he still didn’t even remotely enjoy having to drink blood, he did feel kind of weak and definitely thirsty - hopefully, a glass of blood would help him focus properly again.

“She used her influence through the sire bond on you,” Simon explained after providing both of them with a glass of blood, settling down into the soft cushions of the couch standing in his room, keeping a reasonable distance from Raphael who was distracted from the struggle of trying to drink from his glass while being hindered by his fangs and looked up at the other vampire with a worried frown.

“What does that mean? _Sire bond_?”

Judging by Simon’s expression, it couldn’t be anything good and Raphael was pretty sure he didn’t want to know about it but he had to. All of this was still new and terrifying enough even without him waking up somewhere else instead of the bed.

“Camille is your sire because she’s the one who turned you and as such...she has a special connection to you. Everyone in the clan is basically connected but it’s not nearly the same as a sire bond. A sire can communicate with their fledgeling through the bond - talk to them - but also...influence them.”

Raphael definitely didn’t like the sound of that and he felt his stomach twist a little at the implications of this statement. “Influence _how_?”

“As in _control you_. Not every sire can do that, only old and strong vampires are able to use a sire bond like this and, sadly, Camille is one of the few who can,” Simon muttered and pushed his fingers through his still sleep-mussed. Raphael absently noticed that the other was still in his sleep clothes and assumed that it was currently shortly after sundown but he knew his brain only paid attention to it because it refused to deal with the information it had just been given.

“You were gone when I woke up and I found you upstairs, in her room. You couldn’t have been there for more than a few minutes, she didn’t...she didn’t do anything to you,” Simon added, his voice almost small sounding and he didn’t even look at Raphael as if it had been somehow his fault. Raphael knew it wasn’t Simon’s fault, the other had clearly saved him and prevented anything bad from happening.

“I’m sorry. I should have told you about the bond sooner but I didn’t think she would just use it like that and I didn’t want to scare you even more.”

“Would knowing have changed anything?” Raphael already knew the answer and he was asking this question more for Simon’s sake than his own.

“No.”

“Then you have nothing to apologise for because it wouldn’t have prevented this,” he said and tried for casual when, in fact, he was scared once again. The thought that Camille could simply control him without his knowledge, without him being able to do anything about it, it was absolutely terrifying. “Thank you for helping me.”

He felt Simon’s gaze on him but didn’t look at the older vampire, his fingers clutching the still mostly filled glass in his hands. Being killed and turned into a vampire was enough to deal with but now, on top of that, the knowledge of Camille being able to manipulate him at will...Raphael knew Simon did his best to help and protect him but the other couldn’t exactly do anything about this.

“We should go to Magnus,” Simon suddenly decided and his tone sounded determined.

“Again?”

“Yes. I’ll ask him if maybe you could stay with him for a little while, until Camille is hopefully dealt with,” the older vampire sighed and he didn’t exactly sound to happy about any of this. “I wish I could protect you from her, I really do but--”

“I get it and it’s not even your responsibility to do any of this. You actually took on Camille for me and I’m pretty sure that usually doesn’t happen, does it?”

“No, it doesn’t. I’m as scared of her as probably almost everyone else in the clan who doesn’t agree with her methods. But I couldn’t just let her--The other times she brought someone back here that she had turned I didn’t like it either but it was easy not to care too much because I didn’t know them. It’s different with you. Even if we only met two times and it was years ago but still…”

Raphael nodded slightly, forcing himself to take a sip of the thick red liquid in his glass and licking his lips afterwards before looking back at Simon. It was hard to believe that the other was a vampire, some blood-drinking creature of the night, because he seemed so very human to Raphael and maybe that was the fact why he found himself trusting the older vampire so much, why he hadn’t attempted a second time to end all of this - Simon was proof that he could manage to be this and still keep his humanity. Being a vampire didn’t necessarily mean losing himself or the sight of what was right.

“Do you still remember that night we first met? You were only, what, seven?” There was the tiniest hint of a smile playing around the corners of Simon’s mouth and Raphael felt almost flattered in a weird way that their encounter seemed to be a good memory for the older vampire.

“I was actually eight but close enough. And, yes, I remember it pretty well. You were boasting about being a pro at sledging but then you ended up crashing us into a tree. Now that I know the _night vision_ part was actually true I wonder even more how that happened,” he chuckled and the tension from the earlier situation was still present in his body, the fear of Camille still clinging to his bones and weighing his limbs down, but it was nice talking about something else and taking his mind off it. This memory was far nicer than the latest occurrences.

“Come on, I wasn’t that bad. It had been a while since I had sat on a sledge and that old thing of your was not exactly easy to steer!”

“Sure, now it’s the sledges fault.” Raphael couldn’t help but grin in amusement now, not even caring that his fangs were still out and that his lips might be tainted with blood because Simon rolled his eyes but his shoulders finally relaxed visibly.

“It sure was. Like I said, _I’m a pro_.”

They fell silent for a moment after, both sipping their blood and following their own thoughts down memorylane until Simon placed his empty glass on the table and sighed softly, causing Raphael to once again direct his attention at the older vampire.

“I still remember how you gave me your scarf,” Simon murmured almost softly and Raphael tilted his head a little to the side.

“Yeah, that ratty old thing,” he huffed.

“It was a nice gesture. Sweet. You were just a young child and clearly didn’t have much yourself but you still chose to give your scarf to some stranger because you were concerned about my health.” Simon seemed like there was something else on his mind but he chose not to mention it. Instead, he looked back at Raphael with a tiny smile on his lips and then nodded at the glass in the young vampire’s hand.

“Drink up. I’ll go change and you should do the same so we can leave for Magnus’s place soon.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> What a surprise, Camille continues to be horrible, who would've thought.


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Time to start _Operation Overthrowing Camille_ and Magnus gets a chance to act like a dad again (or a mother hen, both fits).

“We don’t have solid enough evidence.”

“Since when do you care about that? Never stopped you before,” Simon replied with annoyance clear in his voice while he crossed his arms in front of his chest, glaring at the guy who had just been introduced to Raphael as Alec, _Magnus’s shadowhunter boyfriend_. The young vampire glanced from Simon to the tall, dark-haired young man and back, trying his best to sit completely still despite being kind of nervous about the whole situation.

Simon and he had both stayed the day in the warlock’s loft and now, shortly after sundown, Magnus’s boyfriend had shown up on Simon’s request because they definitely needed help taking care of Camille and apparently this was the best, if not only, option to do so with hopefully minimal damage.

“I thought you were asking me for help but if your only intention is to insult me, I guess there’s nothing more to talk,” Alec decided with a gruff voice, clearly just as annoyed with the situation as Simon. Raphael expected the older vampire to apologise now because, from his point of view, they definitely needed the help and couldn’t exactly afford to screw this up but apparently the politics of this world worked a little differently.

“I’m not asking for you to save the day, even if that’s all you lot ever seem to hear. No, I’m offering to _work together_ to bring Camille down. She’s not just a problem for the vampires, as you should know if you have the slightest clue about how this world works, so it’s in the best interest of all parties that she is stopped before she gets even more out of control.”

Raphael had gotten to know Simon as a rather gentle and sweet person but now it showed that the other vampire was indeed older than his appearance suggested. He had lived for a few decades and had clearly learned to stand his ground instead of backing down at the slightest hint of resistance.

“As I said--”

“ _We don’t have solid enough evidence_ ,” Simon imitated the other’s words from a few minutes before, giving his voice a mock authoritative sound while simultaneously rolling his eyes, “Yeah, I heard you and I call bullshit because that’s what this obviously is. You Nephilim usually jump at the slightest hint of someone as much as bending the accords the tiniest bit to their advantage and I know all of you are aware of Camille’s doings.”

Alec frowned and he clearly wasn’t too happy about Simon talking back to him, if the gloomy expression was anything to go by. Raphael briefly glanced at Magnus who was sitting in an armchair, a glass of something colourful in his hand, watching the whole scene with barely hidden amusement, even if his posture did look a little tense.

“The problem is that she isn’t just _someone_ and you know that. She’s the leader of the biggest vampire clan in the area and I’m pretty sure that not everyone shares your opinion on her. Dragging her into an interrogation or even in front of the inquisitor could cause the already tense relationship between us and the clan to get even worse if not cause a war,” the shadowhunter replied and it was obvious that he wasn’t willing to back down on his viewpoint either.

Raphael suppressed a sigh and he wondered if this was actually going to lead somewhere because, right now, it didn’t exactly seem that way. He bit his bottom lip, watching the two glare at each other and finally plucking up the courage to clear his throat and pull the attention towards himself.

“Would it help to have someone testify against her?” Raphael asked and he didn’t know how it worked in this world but having a witness was usually pretty useful in the normal, human world that he had grown up in. Politics in the Downworld couldn’t be that different, could they?

“I guess that depend on the nature of the testimony,” Alec replied after glaring at him for a brief moment, obviously displeased with the interruption.

“The testimony would be something along the lines of _she killed me on a whim and turned me into a bloodsucker against my will_ ,” he shrugged nonchalantly, not once breaking the eye contact with the young man, even when his sensitive ears picked up the soft snorts of amusement coming from Magnus’s direction. Alec’s eyebrows shot towards his hairline at his words, eyes darting to the warlock and even Simon before finding their way back to Raphael.

“That would indeed help if you’re willing to testify in front of the Clave. Believe me, we want Camille gone as much as the next one but she’s too smart to get caught but this would be a game changer,” the shadowhunter admitted and he suddenly seemed a lot less reluctant to consider the whole idea.

“If that’s what it takes,” Raphael shrugged and he came across as much more confident that he actually felt. He knew it was a risk for himself to agree to this because stepping in front of some kind of judge as a minority was always a gamble, in this case maybe even more than in the world of the mortals, but he had to try. Raphael didn’t want someone like Camille roaming free and hurting even more people, tearing someone else away from their family against their will. He was willing to take this risk if it meant he could prevent this from happening to someone else.

“I will talk to Lydia about it and see what I can do but I can’t promise anything as of now.”

Raphael caught Simon rolling his eyes at these words but the older vampire still made a noise of agreement because this was at least some kind of progress in the case and maybe they would be so lucky that everything worked out smoothly.

“Now that the business part of the night is done, anyone want a drink?” Magnus interrupted the awkward silence that was starting to spread, elegantly getting up from his armchair without spilling a drop of the drink in his hand, a brilliant smile on his face. The tension surrounding the warlock was still almost palpable, even to Raphael who barely knew Magnus, and he knew it was due to the man’s romantic history with Camille. It was understandable that he wasn’t exactly happy about basically aiding to get his ex-girlfriend convicted, no matter how horrible of a person she was, and Raphael felt at least a little bit sorry for Magnus being dragged into this.

It was still a little bit beyond Raphael how someone like Magnus had ever ended up with someone like Camille but he also couldn’t help but see a certain parallel to his parents in all of this. While his mamá was a loving, warm hearted and gentle person, his father had been quite the opposite - distant, bad tempered and impatient. Maybe he had only become that way later and acted completely different when his parents had met, when they had decided to get married, but the man Raphael had gotten to know, the one he had grown up with most of his childhood, had definitely not been one who seemed compatible with his beloved mamá.

“I have to leave in an hour, there’s a meeting I have to attend to,” Alec replied, indirectly refusing his lover’s offer of an alcoholic drink but his facial expression gave Raphael the impression that he would have refused even without the prospect of having to work later this night.

“Such a shame,” Magnus sighed, probably not just referring to Alexander not being able to accept the drink, before he turned around to fix his dark rimmed eyes on the two vampires. “What about you two?”

“I thought we can’t digest anything but blood?” Raphael asked, confused, and his eyes found Simon’s amused ones. The other vampire was now walking across the room to settle into the soft cushions of the couch next to Raphael, always conscious of leaving a decent amount of distance between them.

“Technically, yes, but we can regain the ability to eat regular food again. It takes time, though, and has basically no use for us,” Simon explained and Raphael hummed softly, remembering that the other vampire had already mentioned this before.

“I guess that means _no_ for the baby vamp as well?” Magnus mused and grinned innocently when Raphael sent him an unimpressed glare.

“It does and I don’t want anything either. Spiked blood usually tastes horrible anyway,” Simon answered for both of them, grimacing to underline his words, and the warlock shrugged with a muttered “more for me”. Before Magnus could down the rest of his drink, though, the glass was plucked from his hand by Alexander and Raphael noticed the young man’s hand gently coming to rest against Magnus’s lower back, fingertips pressing into the silky dress shirt in a way of silent communication. It was almost fascinating to watch the subtle shift in the shadowhunter’s whole mannerism - the softer expression in his eyes, his lips almost curving into a smile and the small, yet clearly affectionate physical contact.

“Can I talk to you for a moment?” Alec asked with a low voice as if he was asking a question only meant for his boyfriend’s ears and Raphael suddenly felt like he was indeed witnessing an exchange not meant for an audience. Magnus nodded, not even sparing a glance to his two other guests before he led Alec out of the room for some privacy.

“Pretty sure _talking_ was just code for _making out_ ,” Simon muttered and then laughed because Raphael was unable to hold back a small disgusted noise. “Too much information?”

“Yeah, I don’t need to imagine them - or _anyone_ \- making out,” the young vampire replied, grimacing a little, and only then did he realise what he was giving away about himself with these words. He had never really talked to anyone about the way he felt about physical intimacy - only briefly with his mamá who had told him that he should never do something he didn’t feel comfortable doing - but it was still something he rather kept a secret because _it_ _wasn’t normal_.

“Fair enough,” Simon said and actually just shrugged it off without even the hint of a frown. Raphael blinked in confusion, having expected questions about this statement but it didn’t seem like the older vampire considered anything about his words as strange. Part of him was actually inclined to ask Simon about this reaction but the stronger part of him decided to let it go because he really didn’t feel like talking about such a person matter right now. Maybe some other time…

* * *

When Raphael settled into the bed of Magnus’s guestroom close to dawn, he felt surprisingly uneasy about not having Simon by his side. The other vampire had decided to head back to the hotel an hour ago because it would seem way too suspicious for both of them to be gone for more than a day but he had refused to take Raphael with him, clearly wanting to keep him as far away from Camille as possible. The young vampire appreciated this, he really did, but it was still somewhat odd to not have the other by his side.

The other day, they had shared the large guest bed, just like they did with Simon’s in the Dumort, but now the bed seemed way too big and actually kind of lonely. Raphael was surprised about missing the other’s presence like this and maybe the trauma of being turned had caused him to grow pretty attached to Simon, seeing as he was the only one Raphael felt comfortable around and the only one he actually trusted right now.

A soft knock at the door interrupted his thoughts and Magnus didn’t even await his answer, pushing the door open a few seconds later with a surprisingly gentle smile on his face and a glass of blood in his hand.

“You should drink this before going to sleep. Don’t worry, Simon told me how he always mixes it with some juice,” the warlock said and stopped next to the bed, asking with a silent gesture towards the mattress if he was allowed to take a seat. Raphael shifted a little, tucking his legs in, even if it wasn’t necessary to make himself smaller in order for Magnus to be able to sit down.

“All of this is probably still very overwhelming,” Magnus mentioned after taking a seat at the corner of the bed, handing Raphael the warm glass of blood. “You will get used to this life, even if it doesn’t feel like it right now.”

“I don’t want to get used to it,” Raphael muttered, wrapping both hands around the warm glass before giving in to take a tentative sip of the liquid he still felt mildly repulsed about drinking. Everything about this felt wrong, even more so without Simon’s presence to keep his mind from wandering off and to make him feel like this was actually manageable.

“I know, pumpkin, but I’m afraid you will have to,” the warlock replied with a surprisingly soft voice and Raphael didn’t even feel like complaining about the kind of childish nickname. His mamá always loved using some kind of cutesy nickname for him and his brothers, even when he had already been past the age where kids appreciated being addressed by anything but their actual name but Raphael had never been bothered by the habit.

“I get that you don’t know me and I don’t expect you to trust me but you seem to trust Simon and believe me when I tell you that’s a good choice. He’s still acting like a brat most of the time - towards me, anyway - but he’s probably one of the most sincere guys you will ever meet. He hasn’t let the bitterness of living a few decades get to him and he’s as human as any vampire could be,” Magnus started talking and there was a certain softness, affection even, in his voice that told Raphael how much he cared about Simon.

“How do you two know each other, anyway?” Raphael heard himself ask instead of responding to Magnus’s words, the question suddenly crowding into his mind and demanding an answer. Simon hadn’t said much about the warlock so far, just that they knew each other and he trusted Magnus. There was clearly more to it than a simple acquaintance or a fleeting friendship - they _knew_ each other and acted around one another in a way that suggested some kind of history that linked them together.

“I’m not surprised he hasn’t told you yet but it’s not my story to tell,” the warlock replied after a brief thoughtful pause, his dark purple painted nails absently skimming over the bed sheet. “But I guess it’s okay to tell you I was for him what he is for you. I was the one taking care of him after he had been turned.”

Raphael’s eyes widened a little at this information and he didn’t know what kind of history he had expected but this certainly wasn’t it. Simon hadn’t mentioned a lot of his own turning so far and he knew it wasn’t just because everything was still so new for Raphael, that the other didn’t want to scare him any further, but it was clearly also because it was a sensitive topic even after several decades. Raphael wondered if it would be okay to ask the older vampire about if and if Simon would feel comfortable enough telling him about it. But that was probably a question for a different time, when they weren’t in the middle of organising Camille’s downfall.

“Ask him about it if you want to know more,” Magnus prompted gently as if he read the young vampire’s mind, “I’m sure it would be good for both of you to talk about it.”

Raphael merely shrugged, not so sure if he agreed with Magnus on that, before he took a few more sips of his blood before it could cool down even more. He had noticed that it was certainly more bearable to drink it as long as it was still somewhat warm - cold blood was a little bit like cold coffee, barely tolerable.

“Drink up and get some rest. Don’t hesitate to call me if there’s anything you need, okay?” The warlock switched the topic easily and he raised his hand as if to ruffle Raphael’s hair, deciding against it and simply brushing his knuckles against the vampire’s blanket covered knee before he got up to leave the room.

Raphael only nodded but he muttered a soft “Thank you” and the way Magnus’s hand hesitated on the door handle before pressing it down told him that the warlock had caught his words.

“Sleep well, Raphael.”


	9. Chapter 9

Raphael opened his eyes to complete darkness and a heaviness pressing onto his whole body. The scent of earth was suffocating and when he tried to move he realised that he couldn’t. Not because his limbs wouldn’t work but because of whatever was weighing down on him. His breath immediately quickened but the feeling of his heart beating faster stayed absent and he couldn’t even reach up to press a hand against his chest.  
  
It only took a split second more for him to realise why everything was pitch black and smelled of dirt: he was surrounded by dirt. Not just surrounded but _buried_ . The realisation came with a wave of panic and he tried to move again, attempting to press up against the earth above him but it seemed to be no use. Nothing seemed to budge, no matter how much he moved and clawed at the ground and Raphael felt like he was suffocating with his throat constricting painfully, making it nearly impossible to breathe.  
  
A panicked little whimper escaped the back of his throat before he simply started yelling for help in the hope that anyone was nearby to hear him if he wasn't too deep in the ground. His throat quickly started hurting from not being able to breathe and from screaming but he could hear absolutely no reaction whatsoever. Just when Raphael was about to give up, the panic too overwhelming, there was a weirdly familiar voice calling his name followed by the unexpected feeling of a hand curling around his wrist that caused Raphael to open his eyes again.  
  
His eyes were burning, view blurry and cheeks wet with tears, chest heaving with panicked little breaths and his brain took a moment to realise that he was lying in a bed, not buried alive underground. Raphael flinched away from the hand that was still loosely holding his wrist, sitting up quickly with a "Don't touch me" even when he noticed that it was Magnus who was sitting at the corner of his bed, looking at the young vampire with a worried expression but respecting the fact that Raphael didn't want to be touched.  
  
"You're safe. You're in my loft, in the guest room, remember?" Magnus spoke with a soft and soothing voice and if Raphael would be able to think clearly, he would probably realise that this might not be the first time the warlock had been in a situation like this, where he had to deal with the aftermath of someone's nightmare because, Raphael realised, that was what had happened. It had been a nightmare. One that had felt frighteningly real and left him shaken and disoriented, his skin clammy with cold sweat.  
  
Raphael managed to nod when Magnus repeated his words a second time, patiently, but his brain was still not fully convinced that he was actually here and not in the ground somewhere. The fact that his breath was still panicky but the feeling of a pounding heartbeat was missing, was incredibly unsettling and reminded him of the fact that he wasn't human anymore and that he had actually been in the ground not too long ago. Raphael wondered if maybe that hadn't just been a dream but actually a memory from when he had been turned.  
  
"Try to take deep breaths, slowly," the warlock instructed gently and linked his fingers together in his lap, clearly having to keep himself from reaching out and Raphael appreciated that a lot even if he was currently unable to show or voice that.

“I don’t need to breathe,” Raphael panted, petulant and without thinking, instead of pointing out that this advice seemed pretty useless but Magnus didn’t seem taken aback by his reply at all.

“I know but it’ll still help you calm down. It’s still second nature to you to breathe, anyway, and it’s something familiar,” he explained patiently, smoothing his hand over the silky material cladding his thigh and Raphael absently noticed that Magnus seemed to be wearing a pyjama. Seeing as the warlock had been up all night, it was probably only logical for him to sleep during the morning and the young vampire wished he could feel bad about probably waking the other.

“Doesn’t feel like it,” Raphael muttered, unable to keep the bite out of his voice and not succeeding in getting a grip on his erratic breathing. He was probably this close to having a full-on panic attack but his mind didn’t stop whirring with the feeling of the too real nightmare, his skin crawling with the sensation of dirt all around him.

Raphael didn’t consciously remember anything in between seeing Camille in that little alley for the first time and coming to his senses with dirt and blood on his clothes, sticking to his fingers and face, but his subconscious seemed to do a great job at reminding him what had happened. There was no telling if it was actual memories or his mind filling in the blank with what seemed logical but it didn’t exactly make it less scary or unrealistic.

“Do you want to talk about your dream? Maybe it’ll help just getting it out,” Magnus suggested after a brief moment of silence and Raphael was almost tempted to take him up on the offer because the other’s voice sounded admittedly soothing and it would probably really help to talk about it but he still ended up shaking his head. It was bad enough he had woken the warlock with his nightmare, he really didn’t want to be any more of a bother to Magnus.

“You dreamt about your turning, am I right?”

Raphael barely kept himself from showing an obvious reaction to this assumption but he glanced at Magnus who looked back at him with a knowing expression in his eyes and a sad air around him that spoke of experience with this kind of situation. If he were in a different shape of mind, Raphael might have asked about it or connected the dots to realise why Magnus was familiar with this but right now, clear thinking wasn’t exactly possible for him.

“It’s normal for a fledgeling vampire to dream about how it happened, to relieve what has been buried in their memories, and it will take time for these nightmares to fade away. I can only recommend talking to someone about it because it will help you process the trauma at least a little faster,” the warlock prompted gently but it was obvious that he didn’t expect Raphael to open up to him. Magnus didn’t have to mention that he already had a _someone_ in mind - Simon was the most obvious and kind of only option anyway - but he didn’t dwell on the subject for much longer, breathing out a soft sigh before he got up again.

“Alright, I think I better stop bugging you if you don’t feel like talking. If you need anything, come find me or call out for me - the loft is vampire safe so you don’t have to worry about being unable to leave the room.” Magnus smiled at him, absently smoothing his hand over the front of his silky looking shirt, his fingers not adorned with various rings like before and another reminder that the warlock had been sleeping as well. His hair was loose, the colourful strand at the front falling into his makeup-free face and it was almost shocking how _normal_ Magnus looked right now.

Raphael only nodded, not able to bring up the energy to voice a reply and he watched the young looking man leave the guest room, shutting the door with a soft click. He felt incredibly exhausted and tired, even after his unnecessary breathing had calmed down through the distraction from Magnus’s words, but his whole body felt achy and almost a little feverish with the cold sweat still clinging to his skin that looked a little more ashen than usual these days.

* * *

He didn’t get any more sleep that day, simply stayed curled up on his side with the covers pulled almost completely over his head for most of the time, unable to even close his eyes without the pictures of his nightmare reappearing right in front of him. It was close to sunset when Raphael finally did get up - it was weird how vividly he could sense the change from day to night and vice versa now, feeling more sluggish during the day and more alert when it got dark. Which still did nothing for him to change his sleeping schedule properly, especially not when dreams prevented him from getting proper rest.

Raphael left the room, trying to be as quiet as possible because he didn’t want to draw Magnus’s attention on him - if the warlock was even around and up - before slipping into the ridiculously spacious bathroom to take a long, hot shower. His body was always cold and he technically didn’t freeze but it still felt amazing to feel the warm water running over his body, for a brief moment helping him forget that the warmth didn’t come from his body itself and feel kind of normal for a fraction of time.

His mind wandered to his family, for the first time consciously ever since he was turned, and Raphael felt a pang of guilt and longing for them rushing through his body. With everything that had happened, he honestly hadn’t taken the time to sit down and think about the consequences of his new self. The first days of being a vampire were mostly a blur, like some fever dream where he couldn’t discern what had happened and what had been his imagination. Raphael remembered Simon telling him that he could help “so you will be able to see them again” and his chest constricted painfully trying to imagine how that would go down.

Raphael couldn’t just show up after weeks or even months of having disappeared. His mamá was surely sick with worry by now, not having heard of him for a whole week now, and Raphael wondered if he could convince Simon to let him visit at least once. The older vampire could come with, of course, not just to make sure everything was okay but also for Raphael to know there was someone able to prevent anything bad from happening. Part of him was scared of the prospect of hurting his beloved family but part of him also couldn’t imagine that ever happening.

Yes, he had attacked Simon during the first days and bit him, a memory he would never be able to shake off, but he fed regularly now and that should already help, right? As long as he was well fed there shouldn’t be a risk of him wanting to drink from the ones he loved.

He turned off the shower, absently reaching for a towel to dry his hair and skin while his thoughts kept on revolving around the growing need to see his family. Maybe the nightmare had triggered it, he mused, thinking back to when he was younger and tended to have bad dreams following the abuse through his father and his mamá always knew how to make him feel better. Even now that he was older, the need to be soothed by the woman who had raised and always loved him unconditionally hadn’t dwindled and maybe just seeing her, talking for a little bit, would make all of this more bearable?

Raphael weighed his options, considered asking Simon or at least Magnus but he could already imagine their answers. He knew it was incredibly stupid and risky to head out on his own, especially since he basically hadn’t been out in the city ever since he had been turned, except for the way to and from Magnus’s loft, but it was either that or probably losing his mind staying locked up inside.

Maybe he could slip out for an hour or two, head home to see his family and reassure them that he was still alive (kind of, at least) before heading back here. Maybe it would even go unnoticed that he was gone if he was lucky? A small voice in the back of Raphael’s head that sounded awfully close to Simon’s told him this was a stupid idea and he shouldn’t risk this, especially not with the whole Camille-situation. But the childish, stubborn part of him pushed the doubts away, confident that nothing bad would happen and that he would be as careful as possible anyway.

After getting dressed again, Raphael silently made his way into the kitchen to drink a glass of blood that was in the fridge for him. Pure blood without anything mixed into it was terribly disgusting and even with his fangs popping out on instinct at the first droplet hitting his tongue, he still had to force bag the gag reflex that caused his whole body to shudder. Raphael drank the whole glass as quickly as possible, rinsing his mouth at the sink afterwards to get rid of the worst of the coppery taste before taking a deep breath, running his fingers through his loose curls.

_He could do this!_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Raphael might be about to do something stupid...or maybe he's right and it'll be okay?


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Took me a little to get this chapter done but here we are and we will finally get our answer if Raphael's decision was stupid or not.

He hadn’t expected to feel so overwhelmed on the way to his family home already—all the noises and scents attacking his still untrained senses. It was still early in the night, the sun had set not even an hour ago, so there were still quite some people out and about. The times Raphael had gone to Magnus’s loft together with Simon, they had been later, with barely anyone out on the streets, and he honestly hadn’t assumed that it had been a conscious decision.

Now, with the sound of strangers’ heartbeats pounding in his ears and the alluring scent of blood in his nose, Raphael wasn’t so sure about the whole “ _I can do this_ ” part of the plan. He felt his fangs aching in his gums and it was bordering on a miracle that he was able to keep them back. Raphael knew he should turn around, head back to Magnus’s place and give up on going to his family this early on but his feet clearly had a different idea, kept carrying him through the streets until he ended up in a much more familiar neighbourhood.

Raphael stopped next to a tree, remembering years ago when he had met Simon for the first time and the older vampire had almost crashed them into this exact tree with Raphael’s rickety old sledge. Thinking about it now, it almost seemed ridiculous to think that he had honestly been sledging with a decades-old vampire and how badly this could have ended if said vampire hadn’t been Simon. He pushed the negative _what if_ thoughts away, they were no use anyway, and nervously licked his bottom lip when his eyes found the familiar house on the other side of the street.

As expected, the windows of the kitchen were illuminated and it didn’t take long for him to spot his mamá in the kitchen, moving around in the small room while presumably preparing dinner for her boys. _Only two of them now_ , Raphael mind supplied darkly and his fingers curled into fists, guilt and sadness crashing over him like a big wave that was trying to pull him under and drown him.

For a moment, Raphael stayed in the shadows of the trees on the other side of the road, just watching the occasional movement behind the window, but when he finally made up his mind to walk up to the house, he almost bumped into a young woman walking her dog. Technically, there nothing bad about it and he simply mumbled an apology despite not actually having crashed into her, but then the sound of her heartbeat and scent of her blood flooded his senses, causing his fangs to pop out while his eyes were drawn to the woman’s neck.

He shook his head to clear his suddenly slightly fogged up mind and stumbled back against the tree, tasting blood in his mouth from where his fangs had once again accidentally pierced his bottom lip. His stomach twisted at the mere thought that just now he had been tempted to bite and drink from this young woman. Fortunately, she hadn’t noticed anything and was turning the corner at the end of the block but Raphael still felt panic rising in his chest.

Raphael’s gaze flickered back to the illuminated window of the kitchen where his mother’s shadow walked past a second later, his whole chest constricting with a mixture of longing for his family and incredible fear of hurting them. If he couldn’t even control his fangs when some stranger walked close by him, how would it end up seeing his family again? When his mamá would pull him into a tight hug so that his face would unavoidably be close to her neck?

It was only now that he realised he would definitely not be able to control these urges, that it didn’t matter how much he loved his family and wanted to protect them—if he got too close now, the chance of hurting them was incredibly high.

The face of his father flashed before his eyes, the memory of his mother’s terrified expression when her husband had started yelling and raised his hand to hit her. Raphael didn’t want to be like his father and be the reason for his mother to be scared but he knew, if he stepped up to that door, that was exactly what would happen. He was a monster, as long as he didn’t know how to control all of this.

Raphael’s view blurred a little and his chest constricted painfully but he forced himself to take a step back. Then another. And another. Before he turned around to just _run_. He wanted to get away from here as far and fast as possible but a voice caused him to stop dead in his tracks.

‘Why did you run, my little pet? I’m sure your dear mother misses you a lot. I know that you miss her a lot. Why not go pay her a visit? You could share your powers with her, make her one of us so you would never have to mourn her withering away while you never age.’

He whirled around, eyes flickering back the narrow street he was currently in and then up the buildings but Camille was nowhere to be seen. The fine hairs on the back of Raphael’s neck bristled and even though he didn’t have any body-heat, to begin with, he still felt a sudden coldness settling in his bones at the realisation of how much he had fucked up by sneaking out of Magnus’s loft.

“I’m never going to do that to her!” Raphael almost growled but his voice sounded weak, breathless. Camille was dangerous and he had played right into her hands with his reckless behaviour—he realised that now but was fully aware of it being too late for that.

‘But then you could be together and never have to lose her,’ Camille’s voice replied and he was still unable to spot her which only made Raphael more anxious and all of his instincts screamed at him to run but his body wouldn’t move, like his feet were frozen to the spot. ‘Come to me, my little pet. I can teach you to embrace what you are now and help you see that this is a gift, not a curse.’

Raphael shook his head and he wanted to disagree, to tell her that he had no interest in being taught anything from her but his mouth wouldn’t even open while his feet suddenly started moving on their own accord and the young vampire realised—with rising panic—that this was Camille’s doing. She had made him come to her room before and now she was controlling him again, as if he was some puppet to play with. It probably was how she perceived everyone around who didn’t have a certain value to her.

The young vampire tried to stop his body from moving against his will but it was no use, Camille’s influence was impossible to resist. Raphael really didn’t want to find out where she was leading him or what was waiting for him at the destination, inwardly hoping for someone— _anyone_ —to stop him, despite knowing that it wouldn’t happen.

Sure, Magnus had probably noticed his absence by now and had informed Simon about it but how were they supposed to find him? Maybe the older vampire figured that he had wanted to visit his family, that he had given in to the longing for his loved ones, but even if he did, Raphael wasn’t around there anymore. The chances of Simon or Magnus finding him before he reached wherever Camille wanted him were slim to non-existent.

‘Oh, come on, don’t give me the cold shoulder. I’m only wanting the best for you.’ Camille’s voice was sweet, tauntingly so, and Raphael was pretty sure that she had an alluring effect on a lot of people but there was absolutely no situation where that would apply to him. Even if he wasn’t scared and traumatised beyond belief, the young vampire wouldn’t feel anything but repulsion for this woman—she was a cold-blooded killer, manipulative and dangerous; someone to stay as far away from as possible.

“Sure,” Raphael muttered and even this single word was dripping with sarcasm. He didn’t even know why he was replying to her or why he was saying this out loud because Camille’s voice was only in his head, despite sounding otherwise. Though, Raphael didn’t know if she was able to hear if he only thought his replies or how this whole sire-connection-thing even worked. If Camille was able to basically read his mind through this bond it would be so much worse.

The young vampire had no idea for how long he wandered through the dark alleys of Brooklyn until he seemed to have reached his destination: an abandoned looking warehouse close to the piers. When Raphael stepped through the open door at the side of said warehouse, his heightened senses immediately caught the smell of the clan leader’s sickeningly sweet perfume—the scent that was burned into his memory and haunting him in his dreams—and he tensed up even more.

He knew he was only imagining the temperature dropping but that still didn’t stop a cold shiver from running down his spine, leaving goosebumps all over his body.

“There you are, my pet. I’ve missed your sweet face.”

This time, Camille’s voice didn’t just resonate in his head but it bounced off the walls of the empty warehouse, making it impossible to locate where exactly she currently was.

“Now, how about you tell me why you left the hotel? What are you and Simon plotting?” Camille appeared right in front of Raphael in the blink of an eye and only the fact that she still had a hold on his body prevented the young vampire from taking a step backwards or flinching away when her cool fingers curled around his chin, forcing him to look into her cold eyes.

“I left because I didn’t feel comfortable there,” Raphael said and that wasn’t even a lie, but his added “it’s too dark and unfamiliar there” was. Sure, those factors definitely applied as well but they were far from the main reason why he hadn’t felt comfortable in the Dumort. The main reason was currently staring into his eyes as if trying to somehow extract his thoughts this way. _So she can’t read my mind then_ , Raphael figured with at least a tiny amount of relief.

“We both know that’s a lie _and_ we both know that you and my little caramel are up to something. Don’t think I’m stupid! I know he’s planning to overthrow me and, let me guess, he got the Nephilim involved somehow?”

Raphael hoped he was doing a good job at keeping up a poker face and not giving away that she was spot-on with her assumption. Camille's long nails dug slightly into his skin, her grip tightening while she gritted her teeth in visible frustration at his silence.

“The Nephilim wouldn’t just risk this without any leverage, though. They know as well as I do that they have no evidence of me breaking the accords,” she continued, her eyes narrowing while searching Raphael’s face before her dark red painted lips curled into the smallest hint of a smirk, “but maybe they got a little birdy to testify against me.”

The young vampire kept his lips pressed into a thin line and he forced himself to stare back at the clan leader, unblinking, not caring that she probably knew she was right even without him giving it away. Camille was just as intelligent as she was cruel, it shouldn’t come as a surprise that she had figured it out.

“Maybe you should give me a chance and get to know me before deciding to get me into trouble. What can I do to make you change your mind, huh?” The smirk on her lips widened and Raphael definitely didn’t like the fact that Camille was thoroughly unbothered by the fact that they were working on getting rid of her. “Do I have to spell out for you that I now know where your beloved family lives?”

This time, Raphael did flinch back as if he had been slapped—apparently, Camille had loosened her control over him by now—and he felt the panic from earlier well up in his chest again, this time with a lot more force. He had already realised that sneaking out of the loft had been a mistake but now it turned out to so much worse than he had thought.

“Keep them out of this!” Raphael snarled, balling his hands into fists at his sides while forcing back burning sensation in his eyes. _God_ , he had fucked this up big time.

“Oh, but I will. If you sign a _writ of transmutation_ , that is.”

Raphael had absolutely no clue what that was but judging by the dangerous glint in Camille’s eyes it couldn’t be anything good but the young vampire wasn’t too sure if he had much of a choice in this matter because now his family was at risk to be dragged into this whole mess. He couldn’t endanger his mother and brothers! But who was to ensure that they would be safe if he did sign this—whatever it was?

“I don’t know what that means.”

“It will exonerate me from any blame regarding your turning,” Camille explained absently while letting her hand drift downwards to loosely curl around Raphael’s throat, the nail of her index finger dragging along the tender skin where his pulse should have been. To say that it was unsettling that such an oddly gentle touch could feel so threatening was putting it lightly.

Every nerve ending in Raphael was pleading, screaming at him, to step away and break the contact but he knew Camille would be able to force him to stand still anyway and there was absolutely no use in defying her, not matter how disgusted Raphael felt with himself that he let it happen.

“I can’t do that.” His voice broke the slightest bit at the _can’t_ and the expression in Camille’s eyes changed into something almost pitying but the remaining smirk on her lips told Raphael otherwise.

“Of course, I understand. You don’t have to sign it,” the clan leader purred while the press of her nail against his skin increased a little, “and I’m already looking forward to meeting your lovely mother. I wonder if she’ll taste anything like you.”

Raphael winced, not even knowing if it was in reaction to her words or the droplet of blood trickling down the side of his neck where Camille’s nail had nicked his skin, and he knew signing such a contract would probably make it impossible to convict the clan leader but...he couldn’t just not sign it and willingly endanger his family. Sure, there was no guarantee that Camille wouldn’t harm them even if he did sign it but not signing it would definitely seal the fate of his loved ones.

He swallowed thickly and took a deep, unnecessary breath. “Okay.”

“Okay?”

“I will sign it if I get your word that my family will be safe.”

Raphael’s stomach twisted at the sight of Camille’s wide, pleased smile and he had no idea how he was supposed to explain all of this to Simon. They would have had a chance to get rid of the clan leader and now that plan was ruined thanks to him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yes. Yes, the decision was stupid. Very much so.


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This one is a tiny bit shorter but I already had it done on Saturday and, seeing as I have no patience, here it is already. I wanted to wait a few days until posting it because I don't know how long it'll be until the next one but I feel like uploading it now already.

Raphael stared at the early morning traffic in the street below and wondered what kind of jobs these people had to be up and about before the sky lit up with the approaching sunrise. Maybe they had a long way to their workplace or just prefer being early as to avoid the rush hour when everyone else left for their work as well. It wasn’t like he actually cared much about the answer, it was merely a welcome distraction to think of other people’s regular, mundane lives instead of the mess that was his own, undead one.

Sitting at the edge of the high building, legs dangling off and watching the lights of the cars and traffic lights far beneath his feet with his hands pressed into the rough texture to either side of him was how the young vampire had spent at least an hour now. Maybe two. Maybe even three. He honestly hadn’t paid attention.

Raphael briefly wondered what would happen if he shuffled just a little bit further towards the edge and what would happen if that was enough to let him slip off. How high was the chance of survival from this height, even as a vampire? Or would he simply shatter every bone in his body, causing the physical equivalent of the pain he was feeling mentally ever since the beginning of the night, and lie broken on the asphalt until the sun would burn him to a crisp?

He squeezed his eyes shut, forcing these dark thoughts away while curling his fingers around the edge of the roof, their pads firmly pressed against the outer side of the building. It wasn’t like he actually considered jumping—trying to imagine himself pushing off this edge and falling down there was terrifying enough—but the temptation of staying right here until the sun would peek over the horizon was actually very alluring, even more than the last time.

The young vampire reached up, brushing his fingertips along the side of his neck, where the small wound caused by Camille’s nail had already healed hours ago, before they rested against the hollow of his throat to feel the faint, cross-shaped ridges of a scar left by this sacred symbol. Raphael wished he was able to wear the necklace again, to feel the cool material of the golden cross against his skin that would remind him not only of his faith but of his mamás love as well because right now, he didn’t feel anything but hollowed out and lost. _So lost_.

There was no guarantee that him having signed this writ of transmutation would actually protect his family from getting in harm’s way. Camille wasn’t exactly trustworthy, even when she gave her word, so the chances of him having ruined everything were pretty damn high. Maybe now, Raphael had not only sealed his family’s fate by having gone to their house but he had also sealed the fate of other people who would come to lose their lives to Camille. _God_ , he had ruined everything, hadn’t he?

“Raphael!!”

He flinched at the unexpected sound of his name being called and Raphael didn’t have to turn around to recognise the owner of this voice. His unbeating heart constricted just like his whole chest did and burning tears welled up in his eyes without him being able to stop them.

Raphael couldn’t remember the last time as a human he had shed tears but in his short time of being a vampire, he had already lost count of a number of moments he had been crying. He was an immortal, supernatural being and yet he had never felt this weak—not even back in the time he had to face his father’s anger on an almost daily basis. The thought of his father caused the scar on his left cheek to throb a little like it always did at the painful memories that might never stop haunting him.

“Where have you been? I’m pretty sure I searched the whole city to find you.” The gravel on the rooftop crunched with every of Simon’s steps and Raphael’s shoulders tensed involuntarily when he could hear and feel the other’s presence stopping right next to him. “I was worried.”

The absolute sincerity in the older vampire’s voice only made Raphael feel even worse and he ducked his head in shame while the first bloody tear trickled down from the corner of his eye, streaking down his cheek.

Simon climbed onto the elevated edge of the roof right next to him, close enough for their shoulders to brush a little and Raphael was surprised this barely-there contact didn’t automatically cause him to flinch away. He felt like a skittish animal ever since he had encountered Camille, the ghost of her unwelcome touch on his chin and neck still lingering on his skin, but for some reason Simon’s presence this close by wasn’t much of a bother.

“What happened?”

It wasn’t a question by courtesy, one that was supposed to be asked in a situation like this. It wasn’t _did anything happen?_ , it was _I know something happened, tell me about it_. Simon knew, of course, he did. But he sure as hell wouldn’t be too happy about the answer and Raphael felt like his throat was closing up, physically preventing him from replying and letting the other know the graveness of the situation.

“Rapha, hey”—the nickname, way too familiar because his younger brothers always addressed him with it, only caused more tears to well up in his eyes and maybe pushing himself off the edge of the roof wasn’t such a bad idea after all—”talk to me, please.”

Raphael shook his head, not sure if he wanted to convey that he didn’t want to or that he literally couldn’t but it was technically both, and this time he did flinch a little when he felt Simon’s cool fingertips brush against the side of his pinky. The touch was deliberate this time, if cautious, and the young vampire tilted his head to the side facing away from Simon even if the other had surely noticed his tears already.

“Magnus called me half an hour after sunset and told me you were gone,” Simon mentioned softly and there was no need for him to say that it had been a shock to hear about his disappearance and it only made Raphael feel even more guilty, despite knowing that making him feel bad wasn’t the other’s intention, “and I went to your family home, thinking you might have gone there.”

Apparently, Simon could see right through him or maybe it was only logical for a newly turned vampire to go to the people closest to their heart after everything they had been through. He figured the latter sounded more logical.

“I did go there,” he admitted, voice barely above a whisper, and Raphael raised his hand to brush the wetness of the bloody tears from his cheeks that were immediately replaced by fresh trails anyway.

“And?” Simon prompted gently, his little and ring finger carefully hooking over Raphael’s pinky, the contact oddly soothing.

“I couldn’t.” He was sure Simon understood even without further explanation, that he knew what the younger vampire hadn’t been able to do, but Raphael decided to continue nonetheless. “I almost bumped into a woman and I—I was suddenly so... _aware_ of her heartbeat and—and the scent of her blood. I realised what would surely happen if I would knock at the door. That I might—”

The touch of Simon’s fingers disappeared when his words broke off and, instead, an arm looped around Raphael’s shoulders. Only very loosely, at first, but when the older vampire didn’t feel him resisting the contact, Simon pulled him against his side with an ease as if it was the most natural thing for them to be this close.

Raphael sniffled, despite all efforts to get a grip on his messed up emotions, but the other’s fingers soothingly brushing against his upper arm only managed to draw an actual sob out of him.

“That’s not all that happened, though, is it?”

He shook his head and resisted the urge to give in completely—to curl up against Simon’s side and hide his face against the other’s shoulder like a scared child, even if it felt very tempting to do just that.

“Camille,” was all Raphael managed to choke out when the memory of their encounter flooded his mind again, skin itching where she had touched him and guilt washing over him in waves at the prospect of confessing to Simon _what he had done_. How badly he had fucked everything up.

He felt Simon tense up a little, the arm around his shoulders tightening its hold.

“What did she do?”

Raphael remained silent, biting his bottom lip while searching for the right words to explain that their whole plan was now ruined thanks to his stupidity. Simon had been nothing but gentle and patient with him ever since he had come to the hotel but Raphael doubted the other wouldn’t get angry at him for this. Rightfully so.

“Did she hurt you?”

“She—” Raphael’s throat closed up again and he honestly hadn’t expected to be _scared_ of telling the other vampire about it. He didn’t want to see or even hear Simon’s disappointment, well deserved as it was, and the thought of the other being angry at him was weirdly painful. Simon was, after all, the only person he had by his side right now and Raphael couldn’t believe he had screwed this up so much.

“She knows where my family lives and she figured our plan out,” he finally managed to breathe out with a shaky voice, hands curling into fists where they were still resting on the ground to either side of his thighs. “She threatened to turn mamá if—if I didn’t sign this document.”

“A writ of transmutation.”

It wasn’t a question but Raphael still nodded in confirmation, squeezing his eyes shut while new tears trickled down his cheeks, dripping off his chin to leave further red stains on his shirt. He wasn’t surprised when he felt Simon’s arm slipping off his shoulders but when he was about to sit up and distance himself from the older vampire further, he felt slender fingers digging into the hair at the back of his head. It was a tender gesture, the complete opposite of what Raphael had expected, and he heard Simon exhale a heavy sigh.

“I should have expected that this would happen and I should have taken better care of you, explained properly how important it is to stay at Magnus’s place. His wards are strong enough to interrupt her connection to you, that’s the reason I brought you to him—besides the obvious reasons to get you away from Camille in general and the fact that he’s a Downworlder as well.”

“But I knew I should have stayed in the loft, that it was stupid to sneak out to visit my family,” Raphael muttered and he couldn’t believe that Simon was blaming himself now when it had been the young vampire who had screwed everything up.

“You’re still young, not just in human years but as a vampire you’re technically still a baby. You experienced one of the worst traumas possible, your own death, and it’s not your fault that the need to see your family was overwhelming. It’s only natural.”

“Still, I ruined our whole plan without even having a guarantee that it saved my family,” he uttered meekly, subconsciously pressing into the cool fingers that were cupping the back of his head.

“We will find another way to get rid of her.”

“How?”

“I don’t know but _we will_ , believe me.” Simon ruffled his hair playfully and Raphael knew he was smiling, even without looking up at the older vampire.

How Simon could be so incredibly patient, even now, was absolutely beyond him but Raphael felt some of the weight lifted off his shoulders.

“The sun will be up soon, we should head back to Magnus’s place. I will spend the day there as well if that’s alright? I really don’t want to leave you alone after this night.”

Raphael nodded and brushed the remaining tears off his face before he accepted Simon’s hand to allow the older vampire to pull him to his feet. He was honestly glad that the other decided to stay because he definitely needed Simon’s soothing company after all of this.

When they arrived back at the loft, Magnus was already waiting for them with a smile and two mugs of blood-induced hot chocolate, welcoming both of them back without asking any questions, even though his worried gaze lingered on Raphael for a moment before he started chatting away about a demon-summoning of another warlock that had gone wrong tonight. The young vampire barely listened to the story and how Magnus had to clean up after said other warlock but he sipped his drink in silence and mostly watched Simon’s animated gestures whenever he contributed to the mostly one-sided conversation.


	12. Chapter 12

Waking up and basically being tangled up in the blanket and Simon alike had been quite awkward but Raphael would rather have that situation, even a hundred times more awkward, than the one they were in right now. Said situation consisted of himself, a mildly annoyed Magnus, a very annoyed Simon and two Shadowhunter whose emotions seemed to range from annoyed over judgemental to outright angry.

“First you offer to testify against her and then you go sign a writ of transmutation?! Great, this sets us back right to where we started, at nothing! Well done!”

Raphael glowered at the blond Shadowhunter and grit his teeth, trying to tamper down his own spiking emotions because he had no interest in starting a full on fight with this numbskull.

“Jace, this isn’t his fault,” Simon interjected after taking a deep breath just to calm his nerves down and Raphael could see the other vampire’s jaw working when he glanced over.

“Oh, is that so? I fail to see how it isn’t his fault!”

Magnus rolled his eyes at that and Alec massaged the bridge of his nose with an annoyed sigh because this was clearly going nowhere.

“Do you even want to get rid of Camille or are you just wasting our time here? Because we have other, more important things to do,” Jace added and stepped a little closer to Raphael, raising his hand to poke his finger against the young vampire’s chest. At least, that seemed to be the plan but Simon’s finger curled around Jace’s wrist in the blink of an eye, stopping him effectively and then pushing him back with the other hand against his chest.

“Don’t you dare threaten him! Camille said she would kill and turn Raphael’s mother if he didn’t sign the document, what was he supposed to do?!” Simon was clearly done watching Jace blaming Raphael on the whole situation.

“How about _not sign it_ because now a lot more people will probably suffer that fate and there’s not even a guarantee she won’t still do that to his mother so it was basically for nothing!”

Raphael curled his fingers into fists and felt his fangs trying to push out of his gums but he tried to force them back, not wanting to lose control in front of these people.

“He’s only 16, you absolute asshole! He had nothing to do with this world before he was killed and turned into a vampire, suddenly forced to stay away from everyone he knows and loves. How could he have reacted any other way when his mother was being threatened by the person that did this to him?!”

“This was our only shot at getting to her and he ruined it,” Jace replied with a louder voice, his eyes glaring at Simon as if he wanted to burn holes into the vampire with it but Simon didn’t seem even remotely impressed by it while he kept on standing in between the Shadowhunter and Raphael protectively.

“Then we’ll find another way! Blaming Raphael won’t change the situation and being a heartless bastard doesn’t either,” Simon almost hissed and all of them were surprised when it was Alec who stepped up now, curling his hand around Jace’s upper arm to tug him back.

“Hate to admit it but he’s right. This isn’t getting us anywhere and we need to come up with a new plan,” the tall Shadowhunter interrupted, his eyes briefly flickering to Magnus before he looked back at Simon. “If you know or manage to find _anything_ that’ll prove she’s breaking the Accords, let us know. And make sure he doesn’t screw up again!”

Alec nodded towards Raphael while saying that who was surprised that he could actually feel even worse than he already had before. Simon merely glared at Alexander and nodded, obviously holding back on commenting further on this which was probably a good thing, seeing as how everyone was pretty on edge with this newest development.

“Alexander, how about we don’t be so hard on the boy? Simon is right, you know, he’s not the one to blame. Camille knows how to manipulate people and the fact that she is his Sire only makes it that much worse.” It was the first thing Magnus offered to the whole conversation and Raphael was honestly surprised the warlock was defending him, despite Alec being his boyfriend. Said boyfriend didn’t seem too happy about Magnus kind of siding with Raphael before his shoulders slumped barely visible.

“I know,” the Shadowhunter said and even added a muttered “Sorry” in Raphael’s direction which caused Jace’s gaze to snap from one to the other.

“Alec—”

“No, Jace, that’s enough. It’s not like pushing the blame on anyone will change the situation and we know that a Sire-bond is something a newly turned vampire can’t resist,” Alec sighed, rubbing his fingertips against his temple before motioning towards the door. “How about you go ahead and get back to the Institute? I’ll meet you there later.”

Jace didn’t seem too happy about this suggestion but he seemed to see something in Alexander’s eyes or posture that prevented him from voicing said dislike. He nodded with a muttered “You better” before turning around and stomping out of the loft like a petulant child, not even bothering with saying goodbye.

“Charming as ever,” Magnus commented dryly before his darkened expression shifted into something softer when he averted his eyes from where Jace had disappeared and looked at his boyfriend.

“I’m sorry about screwing this up,” Raphael admitted and shook his head when Simon wanted to say something, probably tell him that it wasn’t his fault.

Alexander looked up, scrutinising the young vampire for a heartbeat before shaking his head with a deep sigh. “They’re right, you’re not to blame—not fully, anyway. I’m aware of the fact that people who are new to this world have a tendency to make a mess based on their lack of knowledge and it could’ve been worse.”

Raphael honestly wondered how this could’ve been any worse but it seemed like there was a story behind these words because Magnus looked a tiny bit amused for whatever reasons and even Simon rolled his eyes a little as if there was some inside joke that went over Raphael’s head.

“Darling, it seems like you have a headache?” Magnus shifted the topic to the fact that his boyfriend still had his fingertips against his temple and before Alec could answer, the warlock’s slender fingers replaced his, gently feathering over both of his temples and rubbing soothing circles into his skin.

“How about we head back into the guest room?” Simon suggested barely above a whisper, leaning close to Raphael’s ear. The young vampire had to bite back an amused smile, despite everything, because Simon seemed a little uncomfortable witnessing this tender moment between the other two man, which, Raphael got it. It felt like they were seeing something they weren’t supposed to—something private and not meant for their eyes.

“No, you can stay here. We’re going to my bedroom. I need sleep after being up the entirety of last night and it seems like I’m not the only one who needs rest,” Magnus stopped them from leaving the living room and he shushed the noise of protest Alexander was making in reaction to his words. The warlock brushed his fingers over Alec’s shoulder, upper arm and further down until they could curl around the Shadowhunter’s hand to tug him out of the room. “I don’t have to mention that Raphael isn’t to leave the loft? Camille can’t reach you here, my magic prevents her from controlling you and it would be in all our best interest if it remained that way.”

Raphael nodded, even though he was fairly sure Magnus hadn’t caught that wordless reply anymore because he was already leading Alec towards his bedroom and the young vampire briefly wondered if they really intended to just go to sleep—quickly deciding that he really didn’t want to know the answer to that.

“Do you really think we’ll find another way to prove Camille is guilty?” Raphael slumped into the couch and looked up at Simon who crossed the room and walked into the open kitchen where the young vampire heard the fridge open and close.

“We have to,” Simon replied a moment later when he entered the living room again, two glasses with blood in his hands. He walked up to the couch and sat down next to Raphael, handing him one of the glasses with a soft sigh. “I know this isn’t exactly the answer you were hoping for but right now there’s nothing else I could say.”

“Sorry, I know. It’s just—I screwed everything up and I know Jace is right, there is no guarantee that Camille won’t hurt my mamá anyway,” Raphael muttered and his voice wavered a little at the last part because it was already bad enough what he had to deal with but the thought of dragging his mother and brothers into all of this? It was beyond terrifying.

“Don’t beat yourself up about signing that thing. Jace is an asshole on a good day and he had no right treating you like this. Yes, you signing that set us back but Camille manipulated you. She always manages to find everyone’s weak spot and uses it to her advantage; it’s what she does. And I will talk to Magnus later about your mother—I’m sure we can find a way to keep her safe until Camille is out of the picture.”

Simon sounded way more confident than the situation allowed and Raphael felt torn between telling the other that he shouldn’t promise the impossible, that he didn’t have to handle Raphael with kid gloves because he had already experienced that Camille probably didn’t shy away from anything, and wanting to believe the older vampire. Raphael knew he would never be able to go back to his old life, no matter what, even if he still wasn’t able to really accept it, but he would be able to deal with it as long as he knew he didn’t endanger his family. As long as they were fine, he would be, too. Somehow.

When Simon’s arm curled around his shoulders, Raphael slumped against the other’s side with a shuddering breath and somehow succeeded in forcing down the tears that welled up in his eyes. He had cried enough over the course of the past days and weeks.

“I hope you’re right,” Raphael muttered belatedly in reply to Simon’s words and added a soft “thank you” that didn’t feel like it was even close to enough to express the gratitude he felt towards the other.

* * *

Raphael was dragged out of yet another nightmare by someone lightly shaking him and calling his name. A hand was pressing down on his chest, fingers splayed out where his heart was supposed to beat, and another one cradled his face, a cold thumb rubbing small circles into the skin next to the corner of his mouth.

“You’re safe, it’s okay,” Simon’s distant sounding voice managed to soak through the fog that seemed to have settled over Raphael’s mind, keeping him in a state between nightmare and reality—though by now it felt difficult to distinguish between those two sometimes. “I got you.”

There was something soothing in Simon’s tentative, yet gentle touches and the softness his voice carried, managed to pierce right through the terror the dream had caused. Raphael felt his whole body trembling and it was almost impossible to get his heavy eyelids to open; when he finally managed it, his view was blurry and he had to blink a few times to finally spot Simon’s worried face hovering over him.

“You had a nightmare.”

The young vampire resisted telling Simon that he was very aware of that, mostly because he didn’t think he would manage to speak even a single word, but he nodded lightly.

“I dreamt of—of being turned. Of being buried,” Raphael finally admitted, his voice raspy and barely above a whisper and throat feeling as if he had spent a lot of time screaming at the top of his lungs, which, maybe he had? “And when I dug myself out of the ground...I saw a gravestone with mamá's name.”

Raphael hated that his voice sounded so unsteady, thick of emotions, and the already-there wetness on his cheeks spread even more with the new tears trickling down from the corners of his eyes but Simon was quick to catch them with his fingers, brushing them away gingerly.

“I know these dreams. I had those a lot for weeks after I was turned. Everyone has them,” the older vampire sighed and slumped into the pillows next to Raphael, pushing himself up so that his back was pressed against the head of the bed, fingers easily threading into Raphael’s sleep-mussed curls and carding through them.

“Will you tell me about it, sometime?” The question had left Raphael’s lips before he could stop it and it wasn’t like he wanted to hear the story of how Simon was turned _right now_. He surely wasn’t in the right mindset to listen to the other’s pain and trauma, but Raphael wanted to convey that he cared and that he did want to hear about it in the future.

“I will but right now...we should probably find a more positive topic to talk about so you can hopefully go back to sleep,” Simon replied gently, his fingers teasingly tugging at a strand of Raphael’s hair before moving his fingers to the nape of his neck when the young vampire turned around to lie on his side, forehead almost touching the side of Simon’s thigh.

“You could tell me a story,” Raphael suggested and he was only half joking. He really wouldn’t mind if Simon would tell him a story, even if it was one for children, because it would mean that the other kept on talking and Raphael could distract himself from the images of his nightmare by focusing on the familiar sound of Simon’s voice.

The older vampire hummed softly but then uttered a thoughtful sounding “No” before he started humming for real. The humming quickly turned into a melody and Raphael’s eyes widened in surprised when the melody formed into words, a soft whisper of a song that he had never heard before but adored from the very first word. The surprised about Simon actually singing to him was soon washed away by the awe Raphael felt at the realisation that the other had a really good voice; even like this, when he wasn’t singing at a normal volume.

Every word seemed to wash away some of the restlessness and anxiety Raphael had felt after the nightmare and his eyelids fluttered close on their own accord. He wasn’t aware of moving until his forehead connected with Simon’s thigh, softly pressing against the soft material of the other’s sweatpants, and his whole body seemed to relax into the mattress and against Simon. The song seemed to wrap around him like a protective cocoon, soothing his nerves and tugging him back into a drowsy state.

Raphael wasn’t sure if he heard a second song following this one or if his mind made it up in his dreams but he didn’t care too much about it—either way, Simon’s gentle voice ensured a much more peaceful sleep this time.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Protective!Simon, anyone? He's such a softie with Rapha and I love writing their little moments ♥


	13. Chapter 13

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry, this chapter has taken me a while and I don't think the next one will be much faster because I don't get around to writing as much as I used to but it will continue, no worries about that.
> 
> Seeing as I wrote this chapter over days/weeks, I'm not too happy about the result but that always happens when I write something over the course of multiple days with long pauses in between. It always feels like the writing reflects the breaks and that it ends up being inconsistent but I hope that's not the case. Also, I tried to push them just a tiny bit closer—13 chapters in, it seemed like a good time to maybe start on that front a little more actively.

Raphael awoke to the soft sound of guitar strings being strummed and he frowned a little before forcing his eyes to open with a low groan. He felt incredibly exhausted despite having slept the rest of the day after the whole ordeal with the nightmare. The young vampire could sense that the sun had already set, for quite a while even, but his senses didn’t seem to perk up as they usually did during this time.

Everything sounded a little bit muffled and his mind seemed hazy but he tried to brush the off feeling away, pushing himself into a sitting position while trying to stifle a yawn. The playing stopped when a small, sleepy sound escaped Raphael’s throat anyway and then he spotted the source of the sound: Simon was perched in an armchair at the side of Magnus’s guest room, a worn looking acoustic guitar cradled in his lap and looking up at Raphael from underneath a few messy curls.

“Sorry, did I wake you?” The older vampire asked in a hushed, soft voice and his tone somehow managed to reach something deep within Raphael’s chest, making the unnecessary breaths of air flow a little bit easier into his lungs.

“‘s okay,” Raphael muttered, his voice still rough and a little groggy from just waking up, and he pushed his fingers through his sleep-tousled hair. “What time is it?”

“Time for breakfast,” Simon announced almost a little too cheerfully but his attitude didn’t make the small worried frown between his eyebrows disappear.

Raphael wondered if something had happened while he had been asleep or maybe this was only the result of last night. For some reason, he hadn’t expected his nightmare to leave a visible mark in Simon as well but maybe that wasn’t it.

“I’m not really hungry.” He knew he had to feed anyway and he would, too scared of what could happen if he didn’t, but the words still slipped past his slightly chapped lips before he could stop them.

Simon got up from the armchair and gingerly sat the instrument down next to it, briefly glancing at the young vampire before leaving the room for only a few short minutes. When he returned, Raphael had pushed himself back against the head of the bed, the blanket wrapped around him for warmth his body didn’t produce anymore.

He didn’t protest when the warm cup of blood was handed to him, his nose catching a sweet, chocolaty scent from the steaming drink and he saw one sad little white blob floating at the top of the brownish-red liquid.

“Is that supposed to be hot chocolate?”

“Vampire style, yeah,” Simon replied with a crooked little grin while he grabbed the guitar again and slumped back into the armchair. “Magnus only had one deformed little marshmallow left, sorry for that—I’m pretty sure Alec is responsible for that. Magnus doesn’t seem like the hot chocolate with marshmallows guy.”

“Alec seems even less like that guy,” Raphael muttered against the rim of his cup and the bright sound of Simon’s laughter caused his lips to tug into the hint of a smile, despite the heavy numbness still lingering in his chest as if it had made a home between his ribs while he had slept.

“True but he actually has quite the sweet tooth. Though I once read that people who don’t get enough love compensate by eating more sweets.”

“Well, _that_ explains it,” Raphael replied with an eye roll but he enjoyed that Simon laughed again in turn and this sound was a whole lot better than seeing the small worried from on the other’s forehead the whole time. “But it still doesn’t make sense because I love sweet things as well and there definitely wasn’t a lack of love in my home.”

They both fell silent for a brief moment afterwards and Raphael was almost sure that both their minds jumped right to the same thought—his father.

“From my mamá and brothers, anyway,” he tagged on almost a little awkwardly before taking another sip of the chocolaty blood, absently brushing the tip of his tongue against his upper lip afterwards.

“It’s not really the right time to ask about your father, and I understand if you don’t want to talk about him, but...how long did it go on?”

Raphael was surprised it had taken this long for this topic, and this question in particular, to pop up. He was even more surprised about only feeling mildly uncomfortable about it but not reluctant to answer because this was Simon and even though they only knew each other properly for a short timespan now, Raphael trusted the older vampire already.

“I think I was around six when the fighting of my parents started escalating and I definitely remember the first time my father ever hit me, on my seventh birthday,” Raphael started talking after a brief pause and his voice sounded a little distant, even to himself. “I was almost ten when mamá kicked my father out because she walked in on him hitting me.”

He unconsciously reached up to his left cheek where the scar would always be a reminder of that very day and he could see Simon swallow heavily before the older vampire got up again to walk over to the bed, gingerly taking a place at the corner of the mattress.

“I’m sorry this happened to you,” Simon murmured and Raphael was pretty sure the other wasn’t only referring to his terrible father. His life had never been exactly easy but this vampire thing brought everything on a whole new level.

“You have nothing to apologise for. It’s not like any of it is your fault.”

“I still feel like I could have done something. Back when we first met...I saw your bruise and heard what your father did when you came back home—I should have done something to help instead of leave.”

It didn’t take much for Raphael to realise that the older vampire was really feeling responsible in a way. Raphael didn’t see it that way because, in his mind, Simon had absolutely no responsibility to interfere in something that happened in the home of strangers.

“And what would you have done?”

Simon frowned at him before shaking his head. “I don’t know but I feel like I should have protected you.”

The older vampire reached out and Raphael watched the movement, unblinking when the cool fingertips made contact with his cheek, index finger gingerly tracing the scar embedded into his skin. His eyelids only fluttered a little when Simon’s whole palm came to rest against his skin, long fingers curling around the curve of his jaw so carefully as if he was scared of breaking Raphael.

It was an unexpectedly intimate feeling moment and Raphael was sure, if his heart was still beating, it would do so at a frantic rhythm by now. He leant into the touch without hesitation, already too familiar with having the older vampire in close proximity after sharing a bed and ending up entangled with the other more often than not during those days.

“I will protect you this time, though. I won’t let Camille hurt you or your family.” Simon’s voice was barely above a whisper and his thumb brushed the soft skin underneath Raphael’s left eye, causing his eyelids to flutter.

Raphael had never been this close to anyone—sure, his mother had caressed him in a similar way more times than he could count but there was something completely different behind the touch now that Simon was the one doing it. The gesture seemed loving, like a promise, and Raphael had never expected to ever enjoy such a touch from anyone or crave it, even.

He had spent most of the past few years as a teenager feeling broken. Ever since that girl years ago had kissed him out of nowhere and he had known that he had no interest in being kissed by a girl or anyone else. Raphael had just known, in that very moment, that he was different in this aspect and even if he could put a name on his feelings—or lack thereof—he had hoped it would change someday. Not because he wanted to feel or want like most other people but simply to feel normal, to know he wasn’t the odd one out.

Right now, with Simon’s hand gently cradling his face and being so close that he would feel the other’s warmth if he still had some, Raphael felt unexpectedly peaceful and suddenly at home on his own skin for what he realised was the first time ever.

The urge to reach out, curl his fingers into the front of Simon’s shirt and pull him even closer washed over the young vampire so suddenly, that Raphael felt like he couldn’t breathe—not that he needed to, anyway—and his whole body seemed to freeze with the realisation of this unexpected feeling.

Before he could decide if he should give in to this feeling, a knock at the front door of Magnus’s loft broke the moment as quickly as it had started and he missed the touch of Simon’s hand as soon as it fell away from his face.

“It’s the Nephilim,” the older vampire sighed and he didn’t seem too happy about this interruption either. His dark eyes flickered over Raphael’s face for a split second, taking it in inch by inch, before he drew away completely and got to his feet. “Let’s find out if they’re here to be useful for once or, as usual, to let us do all the thinking for them.”

* * *

When the next night started with the realisation that Simon wasn’t by his side, Raphael had been confused, yes, but he hadn’t assumed anything bad right away.

Now, with the second night in a row and no word from the older vampire, things were quite different. Magnus had already tried finding Simon with different spells and even he was sickeningly worried by now which really didn’t help Raphael to stay calm.

If this oh-so-powerful warlock couldn’t find Simon and had a worried line between his eyebrows for the last 24 hours it was safe to say that this was a matter to be worried about.

“I’m going to talk to Camille,” Magnus announced after walking up and down in his loft for the past twenty minutes, a mix of pain and determination in his dark eyes but before he could do as much as lift a hand, Alec was up to his feet from the armchair he had been silently lounging in up until now.

“No, you’re not!” The Shadowhunters announced with just as much determination in his eyes while he reached out to curl his long fingers around Magnus’s shoulder.

“We all know that she’s responsible for his disappearance and we can’t just do nothing.”

“I don’t want you anywhere near that woman after everything she did to you,” Alec replied with a dark expression and Raphael felt himself frown, not following whatever they were talking about but he figured it had something to do with how the relationship had ended. Simon’s words—”she has left her marks”—echoed in his memory and the young vampire was pretty sure he didn’t want to know the extent of said marks.

Alexander clearly knew about it, judging by the expression on his usually carefully blank face and the protectiveness in the way his hand held on to Magnus’s shoulder.

“But I might be able to get her to talk,” Magnus argued but he clearly couldn’t bring himself to step away and break his lover’s touch.

“Look, I want to find Simon as well, I really do, but I’m not willing to get someone else hurt to do so—not if I can prevent it,” Alec replied, his voice lowered and gaze intense.

Raphael got the impression that there was no convincing the young Shadowhunter and from the slump of Magnus’s shoulders he was very aware of that as well and he looked at least a little bit relieved that someone was stopping him effectively. Not that the young vampire blamed the warlock for it because whatever it was that Camille had done to him, it was visibly difficult for Magnus to face anything related to her without having a pained expression in his eyes.

“What are we going to do, then?” Raphael asked when the other two had merely been staring at each other for a few seconds as if they were having a silent conversation with their eyes alone.

“ _We_ will go and talk to Camille. You two will stay here,” Alec decided with a tone that didn’t allow any disagreement but the young vampire seriously didn’t care about any of that. Sure, he knew the Nephilim were hunters, they knew how to kill his kind, but he also knew that Alec wouldn’t actually hurt him—especially not with Magnus around.

“I’m not going to sit around here doing nothing while you pretend to attempt saving someone you don’t even give a shit about,” he replied with narrowed eyes and got up from the couch, fed up with this “all talk and no action” bullshit the Nephilim seemed to have adopted as their motto as far as he could tell.

Simon was missing for two whole days already and who else could be responsible than Camille? Which meant they had to act fast because the current clan leader was unpredictable and the chance of the older vampire already being dead was something Raphael seriously didn’t even want to think about. He might be scared of Camille and her powers over him but he wouldn’t back down when there was even a slim chance of being able to help Simon.

“You’ll be of no use in a fight against Camille and her subordinates. The best place for you is to stay right here with Magnus where his magic is keeping you safe and out of her reach!” Alec outright glared at him now before turning back to face Magnus, his voice immediately changing into something soft and private. “I’ll go and meet up with the others now and we will take care of this, I promise. Please just stay here and keep an eye on him.”

Alexander nodded in Raphael’s direction during the last part and the young vampire rolled his eyes in annoyance. Sure, he had fucked up by sneaking out before but he wasn’t a stupid child that needed a babysitter.

It was simply unfair that he was basically the reason something had happened to Simon and the others forbid him to help in any way. Not that he actually planned on listening to them...


	14. Chapter 14

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry, it took me forever to update this story and now it's just such a short chapter.  
> Currently, I don't quite know where I want this to go and I'm a little bit stuck *sighs* I don't want to risk ruining the whole story by failing it now so it will probably take a while again until the next part. I definitely won't give up on it, I simply have to find my inspiration for this story again!

“My sweet little pet, I knew you’d come back to me,” Camille drawled and dragged her long nail faintly over Raphael’s cheek who jerked his head back but otherwise forced himself to stay put. He hated this woman with every fibre of his being and he was terrified of her but she had something to do with Simon’s disappearance and Raphael would not idly sit in Magnus’s loft and wait if the Shadowhunters felt ‘generous’ enough to do their damn job. Being all high and mighty, calling themselves the protectors of both worlds but not actually caring too much about those who were only part human.

Raphael might not be part of this world for very long but he already saw the signs of a group of people who thought they were better than others, who thought they were merciful for helping those that were lesser than them. He knew it too well because that was what people were like—they looked down on those who were different, treated them with a different worth. Raphael had enough of such bullshit and he knew that if he didn’t at least try, nobody might actually do something.

It was pretty disappointing to see the same patterns in the shadow world that also occurred in the regular one. Why he had thought it would be different, he didn’t know. All he knew was that Simon needed help, that he was probably hurt and Raphael would not stand by to watch one of the few really important people in his life get hurt or even killed.

“Where is Simon?” He asked straight away, his eyes narrowed and voice firmer than he actually felt. Raphael was scared and felt like his whole body was shaking like a leaf in the wind but he forced his muscles to tense and set his jaw in a stubborn line, refusing to waver in front of his abuser.

“And how would I know that? Wasn’t he with you most of the time in the last few days?” Camille wondered out loud but there was no hint of surprise in her expression or words about Simon’s disappearance. Even if she played dumb, Raphael _knew_ she was responsible!

“Don’t play dumb. I know this is your doing and I’m here to get him back. Name what you want,” Raphael replied and he had no idea where this burst of confidence came from or why he thought he would be able to make some kind of deal with the current clan leader but he doubted just pleading nicely would get him anywhere.

“Now, now, that’s what I like to hear, my little pet,” Camille crooned with a devilish smile and Raphael was this close to taking a step back but he stood his ground, not wanting to show how much this woman scared him. He had to help Simon, the guy had taken care of him and helped him through all the shit that had come with being killed and turned into a bloodsucking monster so Raphael owed him this much at least.

The clan leader stepped closer, reaching out to brush her fingertips against the curve of his jaw and this time Raphael did flinch but still didn’t move away for real because he didn’t want to give Camille that kind of satisfaction.

“I’m sure we can think of something to motivate me to find this betraying little bastard,” she said, her voice ending in a hiss, eyes sparkling with barely contained anger and Raphael supposed he should have expected that Camille wasn’t too happy if one of her clan went behind her back, taking one of her…’toys’ to hide it from her. It had probably been a mistake to come here, basically offering himself on a silver plate to Camille, but if he had the tiniest chance to save Simon, he was not going to let it pass by.

“But first, I think I need to teach you a little something about respect and loyalty towards your sire,” she added and sounded positively gleeful now, eyes sparkling dangerously.

Raphael felt sick when her hand wrapped in an iron grip around his wrist, long nails digging painfully into his skin like claws, and she dragged him towards the master suite of the Dumort, pushing him into the large room that was decorated with lots of reds and golds. The young vampire swallowed thickly and felt a wave of panic sweep through his body at the mere thought of what Camille might have in stock for him.

Instead of leading him towards the giant bed, which Raphael had feared would happen, Camille pushed him in the opposite direction and before the young vampire knew what was going on, he was seriously shackled to the wall there, the cold metal closing around his wrists and sending a shiver down his spine.

“What are you doing?”

Raphael wasn’t too sure he wanted to know the answer to this but he figured it was probably better to know instead of just waiting for it to happen. Whatever _it_ was.

“I told you, I have to teach you about respect and loyalty,” the clan leader replied as if it was the most obvious thing ever, “and what better way to do so than make you dependent on me? I’m the one to decide when you feed and how much.”

The young vampire's eyes widened and he wasn’t too sure if this was a so much better option than what he had feared for when entering the master suite. Though Camille was definitely someone who would let him starve for a little to drive the point home properly so that didn’t sound like an experience he was eager to make.

“If you’re a good boy, maybe I’ll even reward you with a living snack,” Camille said in a sweet voice as if that was anything Raphael would be happy to hear. The mere thought of being starving and out of control, then being presented with a human to feed on made his stomach riot and the panic in his chest rose again. He should have expected to end up in some horrible scenario like this but he had to do something about Simon’s disappearance!

Raphael watched Camille leave the master suite with a wicked grin on her painted lips and the door clicking shut suddenly sounded like a gunshot to his ears, making him flinch. Despite temperatures not actually affecting him anymore, the young vampire still felt cold all over now that he was sitting there on the ground, chained to the damn wall when all he had wanted to do was find Simon.

Now, Simon and he were both stuck in crappy situations and Raphael knew that if he got out of this, especially Magnus would probably have his head. The warlock had seemed to be taking the whole ‘taking care of the baby vampire’ job pretty damn serious and he also seemed to care a lot about others, even when he didn’t really know them yet.

It had been stupid, sneaking out to look for Simon on his own but Raphael had to do _something_ instead of waiting around but now he had probably made the whole situation even worse. Now the others didn’t only have to search for Simon but for him as well. Raphael was usually smarter than this…

* * *

Raphael had no idea for long he stayed chained to the damn wall because he lost track of time after a few hours, the hunger starting to fog up his mind and taking control of his body. He started yanking at the chains that kept him tied to the wall but no amount of supernatural strength he could muster did anything more than bruise his wrists. At least said bruises healed in the matter of minutes or even seconds.

The fact that Camille didn’t show up should probably be a relief but it also scared the young vampire that much more since it gave him all this time to expect the worst. To imagine what the clan leader might do to him or that she might have some poor human in tow to make him snack on. Raphael almost threw up a few times just thinking about losing control again. It had been bad enough when he had bitten Simon and drank from him but it would be even worse to bite a human—someone who couldn’t just defend himself or recover quickly.

When the door burst open after what felt like ages of burning thirst and fighting against the demonic side of himself, Raphael’s head snapped up and his fangs dropped out of his gums at the same time, nostrils flaring a little at the scent of a human. He could hear the person’s pulse, the thrum of their heartbeat, and his senses were immediately overwhelmed with the urge to sing his teeth into soft flesh and gulp down warm, coppery blood.

“Raphael!”

The young vampire blinked, unable to focus on the voice enough to recognise it if he even did knew the owner. All his senses were focused on the fact that he needed to feed, not even realising he had started struggling against his chains again, a growl low in his throat and teeth bared.

At this point, Raphael wasn’t even aware of the fact that he acted more like an animal than a human being, instincts haven taken control of his mind and body.

He hissed when warm fingers touched his right wrist, possibly checking how to open the shackles, and barely heard the second voice that said something about not freeing him from the chains just yet, not in this state. If Raphael had a single clear thought left, he would certainly agree with that suggestion but he really couldn’t care less at the moment.

The fingers touched his wrist again but gave up a moment later. The person—Raphael could only make them out as a blurry figure since his sight was hazy from the bloodlust that made his whole body vibrate—crouched down in front of him and the young vampire hissed again when the warm hand returned, now curling around his jaw and tilting his head.

“He needs to feed,” the person concluded and Raphael was almost certain he could recognize messy blond hair but it wasn’t a conscious realisation and certainly didn’t stop him from actually trying to literally snap at the guy, teeth clicking harshly when they didn’t manage to get a hold of any flesh.

The hand disappeared and the rustling of clothes sounded way too loud in Raphael’s ears. It was followed by a clicking sound and then the overwhelming scent of fresh blood hit his nostrils at the same time as the other voice called out to stop whatever was about to happen.

Warmth pressed up against his mouth and Raphael’s mind went blank with the first taste of coppery liquid against his chapped lips, teeth instantly sinking into the inviting cut in the soft flesh, latching onto the lower arm of whoever was still crouching in front of him and gulping down mouthfuls of sweet blood, feeling some droplets trickling down his chin in the process.


	15. Chapter 15

Raphael felt oddly feverish when he came back to his senses and the room he was in seemed to shift and tilt. He sat up, reaching for his head with a groan and then he felt hands on his shoulder, pressing him back against whatever soft surface he was lying on and a dull voice reached his ears—it sounded like he was underwater but his ears slowly started adjusting, the slight ringing starting to go down and the voice sounding clearer by the second.

“Stay put, don’t move too much.” It was Magnus’ voice and his hands that kept Raphael down against what turned out to be the warlock’s couch.

For a brief moment, Raphael thought everything had just been a nightmare, that he hadn’t snuck out and ended up shackled to the wall of Camille’s room but the dull ache in his body plus his clouded mind told him otherwise.

“Shit,” he breathed out and Magnus raised his eyebrows a little but then he actually nodded, humming in affirmation of this statement.

“Can’t disagree with that. Do I have to lecture you on how incredibly stupid you have been?”

Raphael ducked his head a little, a strong wave of shame washing over him since he had screwed up big time. He knew Magnus had probably been worried sick when the young vampire had disappeared from his loft and he didn’t even want to imagine the state they had found him in.

“I guess that’s a no,” the warlock sighed and raised one hand off of Raphael’s shoulder to push his fingers through the young vampire’s messy curls. “I’m really mad at you, you know? But I’m also damn relieved to have you back in one piece.”

“I’m sorry. I really didn’t mean to make you worry but I had to do something. I couldn’t just stay here while Simon is out there, probably hurt or worse,” Raphael muttered and he was sorry for having been stupid but not for having tried to do something. He hated the thought of not being able to do anything to help Simon—the other had done so much for him and the young vampire, in turn, was being utterly useless.

“You should be sorry, you dumb kid! But believe me, I get why you did it. Desperation and love can make us do stupid things,” Magnus sighed and Raphael raised his head, staring at the warlock with wide eyes. “Oh come on, don’t look at me like that. It’s quite obvious how you feel about him even if you might not be aware of the whole extent of your feelings yourself but I’m 110% positive I’m looking at one lovesick puppy.”

Raphael groaned at this wording, burying his face in his hands before his head snapped up in a sudden realisation, not even able to let Magnus’ words sink in properly and acknowledge how right the other was. “Camille had me chained up and starving. Someone was there and...and…”

“Alexander and Jace found you, yes. You were pretty out of it, blinded by thirst and Jace let you feed on him so they could get you out of there. He’s fine, though. Still recovering from the blood loss but he’ll bounce back in no time. There was no harm done, darling, please don’t worry about it.”

Raphael grimaced at the mere thought of not only drinking from someone _again_ without being aware of it but the fact that it had been Jace, of all people, kind of made it even more uncomfortable. That guy had been a dick towards him and Simon basically the whole time and being saved by him didn’t exactly sit right with Raphael but it wasn’t like he could change anything about what had already happened.

“As long as drinking his blood won’t make me part douchebag,” he muttered, not able to help himself, and then raised his eyebrows when Magnus actually laughed out loud at this statement before leaning forward to pull him into an almost painful hug.

* * *

“Being a warlock has a lot of perks. One is the fact that I know a lot of different people that I can ask about things with a very high chance that there is someone able to answer whatever I'm asking.”

Raphael blinked at Magnus, setting the glass with blood he had been nursing until just now down on the table. “Your point…?”

“My point is, that I got a message from someone who told me about the possible whereabouts of our lost vampire friend,” Magnus answered and while Raphael had hoped this was about Simon, he hadn't quite dared to actually believe it would be. Now, though, he was up on his feet in a split second, blood forgotten and expression determined.

“What are we waiting for, then?! Let's go!”

“We’re waiting for backup, my stubborn friend. I’m not making the mistake of keeping you here again but I also don’t want to be the only one heading out there. Alexander is on his way here with the others.”

Raphael was honestly surprised about this and he had expected the opposite to happen, that Magnus would keep an eye on him and make sure the young vampire wouldn’t leave the loft again anytime soon. That the warlock actually planned on bringing him along to place where they would hopefully find Simon… “Thank you.”

“Don’t thank me, it’s mostly for my own sanity,” Magnus replied, narrowing his eyes at Raphael for a moment before drinking the rest of his coffee and motioning for the glass of blood on the table. “Drink up, dear, you might need all the strength you can get, depending on what awaits us later.”

He rolled his eyes at the nickname but obediently grabbed the glass again to chug the second half of the blood down in one go. Raphael still drank his blood mixed with whatever was able to mask the coppery taste to a bearable extent but he noticed that he was on the way of getting more used to the whole situation and having to drink this stuff.

 

It felt like forever until there was finally a knock at the door and the shadowhunters finally showed up, dressed in their usual black outfits and weapons ready for a fight that was sure to come if the location was indeed the place where Simon was being held captive.

Raphael definitely hoped it was the right place he felt like he was slowly going out of his mind with worry. He wanted Simon back, to make sure he was okay and still in one piece. He needed the other vampire to be okay or he didn’t know what he would do.

Even though the fledgeling vampire was still getting used to the speed he was now capable of, moving at a normal human felt incredibly slow all of a sudden and he was glad they had Magnus with them, who at least ported them in the vicinity of their target-location so they didn’t have to walk the whole way.

He noticed that not only Magnus but Alec as well seemed to stick close, probably making sure Raphael wouldn’t be a dumb teen once more and dash off in an attempt to play the hero. Admittedly, Raphael wanted to use his speed and get to the location, to find out if Simon was there and what state he was in, but he kept a mostly cool head this time, forcing himself to be patient and to actually listen to the others—at least to Magnus and maybe the giant he called his boyfriend.

* * *

There was a hand full of vampires around when they reached the building and got inside but they were easily taken care of by the shadowhunters so Magnus and Raphael could concentrate on looking for Simon. At first, it seemed like this was nothing more than an old, abandoned warehouse and there was no trace of the other vampire but when Magnus used his magic, they were able to find a pretty well-hidden door leading underneath the building.

As soon as they opened the door, Raphael’s sensitive senses immediately caught the old vampire’s familiar scent and he barely managed to keep himself from just rushing down there.

“He’s here,” the young vampire muttered to Magnus who was right by his side, face worried but determined when he nodded back at Raphael.

“Then let’s get him out of here,” the warlock replied almost softly before nudging Raphael’s shoulder with his own, silently prompting him to start moving down the steps.

They did get going then, slowly and carefully walking down the steps with Alec close behind. They tried to be as quiet as possible, though it was ridiculous to do so since the sensitive hearing of vampires would be able to hear them anyway.

It felt like forever until they reached the dimly lit hallway at the end of the stairs and even though Raphael technically couldn’t actually feel the temperatures, there was still a shiver running down his spine as if it was cold down here. Maybe it was just him being scared of what they were about to find—which state Simon would be in.

Raphael pointed out the door where he knew Simon was behind, his sensitive nose picking up the scent of blood now and he was getting more nervous by the second. But he was also aware of the fact that he probably shouldn’t be the one to go in there first since there could always be some other vampire in there ready to attack and his senses were still all over the place, not really able to tell if there was someone else in there or not.

It was Alec who stepped ahead, sword ready in hand before he pushed open the door and Raphael didn’t know if it was Magnus or him who gasped, maybe both of them. There he was, Simon, tied to a damn chair like in some stupid crime show—his clothes were ripped in a few places, with blood stains and his chin was resting against his chest, motionless.

“Simon?” That was definitely Raphael’s voice, though he still wasn’t aware of making a sound at all. He stepped inside the room since there was nobody else around and basically dropped to his knees in front of the other. Raphael reached out, feeling shaky, his fingers finding the cool skin of Simon’s cheeks to lift his head.

He was so incredibly scared that the other vampire was gone. Like, _dead_ dead. And there wasn’t a heartbeat or breathing that could easily tell him if that was the case or not. Raphael muttered Simon’s name like a prayer, fingers shaking against the cool skin of the other’s cheeks and then he sucked in an unnecessary breath when Simon’s eyelids suddenly fluttered.

“Simon! Oh G—” Raphael choked on the word but didn’t let it stop him for too long since he definitely couldn’t care much about the burning sensation in his throat right now, “you’re alive. We found you.”

“Ra—pha?”

His heart clenched painfully and Raphael felt close to bursting into tears but he forced them down, smile at the other instead. “Yeah, I’m here. You’re safe now. Sorry, it took so long.”

Simon blinked at him, slowly, and he clearly needed to feed, get some proper rest. First, they had to get out of here, though. Raphael got back to his feet, only now remembering Magnus who was hovering close by, making Simon’s shackles fall to the floor with a short flick of his wrist and a tiny burst of magic.

Raphael wanted to reach out for Simon again, tug him to his feet and get him out of here right away but he forced himself to step aside since he knew Magnus needed a moment as well, needed to make sure the other vampire was more or less alright. He appreciated that the warlock had given him the chance to check on Simon but now Raphael felt bad for rushing forward without thinking since Simon was also damn important to Magnus.

The warlock used some of his magic to heal Simon a little bit, though there wasn’t exactly the time to take proper care of the other vampire—they should get out of here as soon as possible, especially since the night was really close to being over.

“Let’s get upstairs again and I’ll portal us back to my place. Simon isn’t in the state to travel much and we wouldn’t make it back before sunrise anyway,” Magnus said as if reading Raphael’s mind before he helped Simon to his feet. The young vampire was on Simon’s other side right away, curling his arm around the other’s side to support him since Simon was noticeable weak right now.

Raphael was honestly surprised Simon was still kind of clear-minded, not completely blinded by the bloodlust he surely had to be feeling. That was probably the difference between a newly turned vampire and one that had been a creature of the night for decades already. He was still worried about Simon and hoped they would be back in Magnus’ loft sooner rather than later so the other could feed and heal faster.

Getting up the stairs was a slight challenge since Raphael had to support most of the other’s weight and it made climbing the steps a little awkward but thanks to his supernatural strength it worked out better than expected. But then, when Magnus opened the door for them to step back into the big, open area of the former industrial building, they were suddenly faced with a bunch of vampires—none other but Camille at the front, of course.

“Look who we got here,” she drawled and Raphael turned them automatically, pacing himself more in between the hurt Simon and the clan leader. He was still scared of this woman, maybe more so after having been kept chained to the wall of her room, but that still didn’t keep Raphael from wanting to protect Simon from whatever else Camille would want to do to him.

“I knew you were ugly but this—kidnapping and torturing one of your own—it’s so much worse than I ever thought,” Magnus said and his face was twisted in anger and something that looked a bit like the fear Raphael was feeling but it didn’t keep the warlock from stepping forward, Alec staying right by his side without hesitating, standing his ground and standing with his boyfriend.

“Ugly? Me?? Have you even looked at me properly?” Camille laughed and flipped her hair over her shoulder, red lips pulling back into a smirk to reveal pearly teeth and sharp fangs, gleaming in the pale glow of the soon to be rising sun.

“You know that’s not what I meant,” Magnus replied darkly, clearly not amused by Camille’s nonsense, even though she clearly didn’t care about the actual meaning. Raphael couldn’t help but wonder, once again, how Magnus had been in love with this woman at some point—he absolutely couldn’t imagine these two together.

“And I really don’t care. What I _do_ care about is the fact that you people waltz in here and meddle in my business!”

“Your business? You mean the fact that you kidnap our friends and tie them up, starve them?!” Alec added his two cents to the conversation, fingers curling tighter around the hilt of his sword while Raphael was mostly surprised about the shadowhunter calling them friends.

“We were just having some fun, something you lot clearly don’t know anything about,” Camille dismissed and Raphael narrowed his eyes, feeling anger bubble up in his chest and without thinking too much about it, he gently propped Simon up against the nearby wall before stepping up to Camille with squared shoulders.

“You call that _having fun_?! You’re the most unsuitable person to lead anyone, let alone a whole clan, and I wish more members would finally see that instead of blindly going along with your psychotic bullshit!”

Raphael only properly realised how much of a mistake he made with stepping right up to Camille when two of the other vampires suddenly grabbed him without the clan leader doing much more than the slightest hand gesture. They were older vampires, stronger than he and Raphael actually hissed at them, trying to struggle against their hold but not successful in getting free.

“You thought that was psychotic bullshit? Honey, you don’t even know what I’m capable of!” Camille said way too sweet and it was only when another vampire pushed open a sliding door at the side of the building that Raphael noticed the sun was already rising, leaving a rectangle of light on the ground that illuminated part of the large room.

“Camille, no! Whatever you think about doing, _don’t_!” Magnus warned and there was suddenly another note to his voice, one that made Raphael realise he was definitely fucked now. He saw Alec was about to attack, sword drawn and expression fierce, the other two shadowhunters mirroring his stance but their training hadn’t made their reactions fast enough to keep up with vampire speed.

One second, Raphael was staring at the pale, now wide-eyed Simon, the next one he could hear the older vampire call out his name with a weak but panicked voice as he was thrust forward towards the rectangle of light, the momentum  making it impossible to change his direction and there was a second of “oh shit, that'll be my end” when Raphael squeezed his eyes shut in anticipation of the surely searing pain to come.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's already painfully obvious where this is headed but I still had to have a wannabe-cliffhanger. Because I could! 
> 
> Also, as you can see, I have decided how many chapters this will have—I'm crap at planning properly but I do hope this will work out the way I imagine it to. We will see...


	16. Chapter 16

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is just a short chapter, sorry. But we're finally nearing the end! And the next chapter will hopefully be a good one if it goes according to plan :D

The burning, searing pain Raphael had expected never came. Instead, he heard several shocked gasps and finally dared to open his eyes since he could feel prickling warmth against his skin but no pain at all. When he looked down, Raphael saw that he was indeed standing in the rectangle of early morning sunlight but there were no flames. No smoke. Nothing.

The young vampire didn’t know what he had expected but he was aware that this wasn’t normal, it wasn’t what was supposed to happen.

“You—how—how is this possible?!”

Raphael was surprised to hear Camille’s voice so utterly shocked since she always kept up the attitude of being entirely unaffected by everything but right now her eyes were wide, shock written all over her face when Raphael looked over.

He wriggled his fingers a little as if testing the feel of the light and only now did he realise how much he had missed the warmth of the sun, especially now that he didn’t have his own warmth anymore. It felt incredibly nice to be in the sun, though he had no idea how this was even possible or if such a thing had ever happened before—judging by everyone’s reactions it hadn't.

* * *

“Would you...please stop?” Raphael weakly swatted at Magnus’ hands when the warlock was about to reach out to him again after pushing him through the portal and making him stumble into the loft. One snap of the warlock’s fingers had made the blinds go down, a mere second before Alec had stepped through the portal with a barely conscious Simon halfway draped over his shoulders. “You can examine me all you want but please take care of him first, okay?”

Magnus frowned a little displeased but he did let off Raphael to turn his attention to Simon. He motioned for Alexander to help the wounded vampire to the guest room that Raphael occupied at the moment and both of them followed the shadowhunter into the room, watching him place Simon on the bed with unexpected care.

“Is he going to be okay?” Raphael asked and he still felt a sensation similar to adrenaline rushing through his body from the shock of being pushed into the light and the knowledge that he himself was supposed to be a sad pile of ashes right now. It was hard to properly focus on that impossible aspect of the situation right now, though, since they had actually managed to get Simon back and Camille had been taken in by the shadowhunters.

“I don’t know yet, darling, but I’ll do everything in my power to help him, I promise,” Magnus replied with a soft voice and stepped up to the bed, conjuring up a cloud of magic with a few graceful movements of his bejewelled fingers and some muttered words in a foreign language.

Raphael wanted to stay, to make sure Simon would be alright, but Alec gently grabbed his shoulder and led him out of the room so Magnus could concentrate on his healing magic.

“I’m sure he’ll be fine. Magnus knows what he’s doing,” Alec reassured him with the barest hint of a comforting smile while Raphael slumped down on the couch. The shadowhunter took a seat in the armchair across from the young vampire, crossing his long legs and pushing his fingers through his hair. “So...what the hell happened back there? How did you—”

“Not burn to a crisp? Yeah, I’d like to hear the answer to that one as well,” Raphael muttered, sinking a little further into the soft cushions. “I had no idea this was even possible. For a vampire to be immune to sunlight.”

“It’s not. It’s unheard of as far as I know. You shouldn’t be here anymore—no offence.”

“None taken.” Alec didn’t seem like he was the best with words but Raphael got what the other meant and that he was simply speaking about logical facts. It should have been impossible for Raphael to be unaffected by sunlight, yet here he was, completely unharmed and Magnus had already sworn he had absolutely nothing to do with it. No spell had been involved in this matter and the warlock had also been able to tell that no magic, in general, had been used since he would have felt it, especially since it would have been strong to pull this off.

“I would ask if anything out of the ordinary happened lately but seeing as you have been kidnapped, starved and—” Alec’s eyes widened suddenly and he snapped his mouth shut with enough force that Raphael winced at the sound of teeth clicking together hard enough to probably be painful.

“ _And—_ what? Why did you stop?” He frowned at Magnus’ boyfriend and then recognised the other’s expression as something like realisation. “What is it? Do you know what happened to me??”

Alexander opened his mouth, closed it again and then looked at the young vampire with wide eyes. “I don’t know. Maybe. Or at least I have an idea but it doesn't make any sense.”

“ _You’re_ not making much sense right now, either,” Raphael pointed out with a small frown and Alec’s reaction made him slightly worried but it didn’t seem like the shadowhunter was planning on telling him about his theory.

“I know, I’m sorry. Let me talk to Magnus about this first, alright? I don’t want to say anything if whatever I’m thinking is impossible and if anyone can tell whether it is, it’s Magnus.”

Alec looked at him with an apologetic expression and Raphael really wanted to know what had caused him to be able to be out in the sun again but since he didn’t know what the other’s theory was...He nodded and tried to respect this decision, trusting Alexander and also Magnus to talk to him as soon as they knew more.

It felt like forever when Magnus finally left the guest room again, looking ruffled and exhausted. He basically fell into Alec’s lap as soon as he reached the armchair his boyfriend was occupying but there was a tired smile playing around the corners of his mouth.

“He should be fine, dear,” the warlock told Raphael and the young vampire was up on his feet in a heartbeat—or would be if he had one. “He’s probably not going to wake up for another few hours at least but you go ahead and keep him company, call me if anything is the matter.”

“Thank you,” Raphael breathed and surprised himself with the strong wave of relief that washed over him, audible in his voice. He had been terrified of losing Simon and he understood that the other was still in bad shape but Magnus’ expression gave him hope and he was sure now that everything would be alright. Simon would be okay!

The young vampire hurried to the guest room that had become his second home in the downworld and carefully pushed the door open. Only the dim bedside lamp was casting a faint glow in the room, illuminating Simon’s pale and unusually fragile looking shape in the bed. The door clicked shut with a soft sound and Raphael walked up to the bed, carefully sitting down at the edge and reaching for Simon’s hand, linking their fingers together without a second thought.

“I’m so sorry,” Raphael muffled, despite knowing that it was stupid talking to the other vampire right now when he was unconscious but the words just tumbled from his lips and he was unable to keep them in. “This is all my fault.”

His eyes welled up with tears because Simon looked so unusually fragile and even paler than usual; ashen, even. Raphael’s chest felt tight at the sight and he didn’t bother wiping his tears away when he felt them trickle down his cheek—these past few days had been the worst ever since he had been turned and they had also made him realise how incredibly important Simon had become to him.

If he had lost the other vampire...Raphael didn’t know what he would have done.


End file.
